Old Loves They Die Hard, Old Lies They Die Harder
by Jean Phoenix Soul
Summary: Misato finds out Kaji is not dead but seriously injured and takes him to her house to hide him. She discovers a conspiracy to prevent the Human Enhancement Project's goal the Third Impact from becomeing a reality and they want her to be their leader...
1. Chapter 1: The Call

**Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or the characters, Gainax does. And the title belongs to Tuomas something-something nen Yeha Holopainen, I know. Blah Blah, you know all this stuff if I was making money with my writing I wouldn't bother borrowing characters or titles. I don't want money I just want REVIEWS!!**

**Old Loves, They Die, Hard**

Chapter 1

The Call

Almost a week had passed since Misato heard Kaji's message in her answering machine and she had had a hard time the entire week trying to keep herself sober in the sake of work as well as pretending to be all right in front of everybody else.

It was really difficult to believe that he was gone, how could he? How could he have let himself get killed leaving her all alone? He was an idiot… her idiot as a matter of fact, but the worst part was the guilt. He passing away was bad enough itself, but having been forced to kill him? That was an entire different thing.

She had never been exactly what you would call a social person, but he was one of the few people she cared about. Even though she rarely spent more than ten minutes with Kaji without arguing (out of bed at least), that man still meant a lot to her. He had been her first boyfriend… okay, her only boyfriend and that always means everything to a woman; but in spite of their arguments, which usually were her fault for not following her heart and giving in to him; he had always been there to help her whenever she needed someone and even after she yelled at him he had helped her. In fact, he had always been a great boyfriend and continued being it long after they broke up, till the last minute and it was her who kept on denying her feelings and rejecting him because of fear. He had always loved her unconditionally and she knew it. All the flirting with other women was just his way of calling her attention.

In the end, she was just like Kaji trading his brother's life for his own, Shinji doing the same with Toji; she traded her life for his. Perhaps it was just a survival instinct but she couldn't avoid it reminding her the conversation she and Ryouji had about the subject when they broke up because they didn't deserve to be happy. In her case, it was herself who had put an end to her chance when she chose what she did.

With that burden on her shoulders, the woman had lost her willing to live a normal life and just stayed at bed after and before work, since what had been keeping her going was the one in a million chances of Kaji and her getting back together. She knew that was not going to happen. And it was her fault, but what other options did she have?

Captain Katsuragi knew she tried not to shoot him on a vital place, hoping he would somehow survive and then he could escape to another country, a safer one. That was what she had promised him in private after he gave her the information she wanted, and she had failed him. Somehow she must have shot the wrong place and now Kaji was dead because of her.

The fifth day, Misato lay on her bed remembering the moments they have spent together, specially the past few months when they had plenty of possibilities to get back together and she just had kept on rejecting him, even the day of their eighth anniversary, when he told her that he still was in love with her… "always" as he put it. She thought of all the different possibilities and all the 'what ifs'. In other words all the things she could have done and said and she didn't. But it was not important anymore, because she wouldn't have another chance to amend it and would never know what he was about to tell her that time and he didn't. Now he would never come back to tell her so.

Shinji had also been depressed for a while. With Asuka gone as well as his friends, the city evacuated, and Misato locking herself at her room there was not many people around for him to talk with. In days, the feeling of emptiness started to slightly fade away. He was not dead yet, right? So there might be something to be done to make the situation change for better.

He knocked at Misato's door. "Misato, lunch is on the table, if you…" "I'm not hungry" came the reply from inside her room. Until that moment, he had been leaving her alone meal after meal, day after day, but now, without Kaji to drag her out of bed to compensate her lack of will, it was up to him to mend that woman's life since she seemed not able to do it herself. Shinji remembered when he moved in and she was so nice to him trying to make him feel at home and all the other things she had helped him with. He owed it to her, she was the closest thing to a family he had ever had.

"You haven't eaten in five days and all that drinking…" then he started gaining more confidence. "You can't just lie there forever, you know? Your life continues and nothing will get better if you don't help it, Misato!" that sounded too optimistic coming out of someone like him, but somehow lately he had been feeling people around him was giving up and it was only him to back them up.

For some reason, that words pierced her numbed brain making her open her eyes and move a bit. She looked at him somehow expressionless. "I'll get up in a minute" she said not enthusiastically after a long silence in which both of them looked into each other's eyes, studying the other. He returned to the kitchen where she joined him soon after that.

Her appearance was rather messy, but at least she had got out of bed. Shinji server lunch and sat across her on the table with an uncomfortable silence in the air. None of them spoke during the meal, but after it, at least even if it was a fake, a little bit of Misato's good mood showed.

"Do you want to go out for an ice cream?" She said forcing a smile and pretending to be okay. That week spent in solitude was a comfortable way of letting herself die, but his words that night remembered her that there was still somebody who needed her.

"Okay" Shinji said almost showing a weak smile.

The city was deserted except for a few shops owned by old people who just didn't mind to die. It took them around five minutes to walk to the ice cream parlor and of course it was empty excepting for them and the owner. In fact, the old man who ran the store was almost closing the place to take a nap when they arrived and he welcomed gladly the only customers of the day. Just another lonely soul looking for human contact.

The warm summer air seemed to be making Misato good, since she even talked with the Third Child at the old man's ice cream shop. The afternoon was a quiet one in Tokyo-3 but suddenly, something broke the relative peaceful atmosphere.

Captain Katsuragi felt something in her belly and a few seconds passed before she realized it was her cell phone vibrating. It was strange to get a call especially since the angel alarm was not being heard at that moment. She slid it open and immediately her heart skipped a beat making her jump out of her seat, as she recognized the number on the phone's caller-id. It was Kaji's. She became pale and felt her legs shaking. Perhaps she had spared his vital organs after all… perhaps… but, what if it was a set up? What if someone had discovered what she tried to do and now was after her? What if N.E.R.V. considered her relationship with him as an excuse to rely the guilt of Fuyutsuki's kidnapping on her too? She admitted to herself she was being paranoid.

The call was really short. She didn't have time to speak on the phone at all, but it was long enough for her to hear the important part. The instant she took the phone to her ear a weak voice that she recognized as his, but could barely be heard among interference and drill noises. It just said two words. "Katsuragi… help…" and the call ended abruptly. "Hello?? Hello?? Kaji!?!" but the conversation was over.

Shinji was as surprised as she was, but dared not to talk until she did it first. "That idiot!!" She yelled causing the old man to look at her worried as her eyes became teary without her being able to avoid it to pretend in front of the young Ikari.

"What happened, Misato?" he sounded worried.

"That stupid idiot makes me sick worried for a week thinking that he is dead and then he calls for help and hangs up before telling me where he is!!" she said hysterically. He remained silent, not knowing exactly what to do or say in that case. He never knew how to comfort adults when they were in that state.

"Perhaps he was somewhere he was not supposed to be found at" he guessed.

Misato was desperate. She knew that he needed her or he wouldn't have let his pride aside to call her and she also knew she was the only one he could trust. He must have been on dead peril to call her like that, but where was he? How could she find him in the vast emptiness of the city?


	2. Chapter 2: The Search

**I'm not repeating the disclaimer, at this point you probably know it by heart.**

**Old Loves, They Die, Hard**

Chapter 2

The Search

She had to think about something and had to do it fast. Every minute could be decisive, but where to start looking? It was true that her work was to take last minute decisions and take care of the strategies, but when the only person she felt close to her was in such a situation it was difficult to her to keep her head cold. She had to stop being so nervous and start focusing if she wanted something productive to come out of her brain.

"Let's think…" she said out loud to a confused Shinji.

"There was interference… and some noises… that would exclude the place where I met him last time…" she tried to remember something that could be helpful, but she was not completely sober, so it was difficult for her to think.

"It sounded like he was in a construction area, but the city is completely empty, who could be building something right now" she said discouraged. Then Shinji interrupted her monologue.

"Perhaps they were not constructing… how about demolishing?" Misato looked at him.

"There were some places of the city that were being demolished by N.E.R.V. for some reason during last week."

"How do you know that?"

"I've had to walk a lot lately to find somewhere open to buy supplies." He simply said.

"And how can you tell which ones are being demolished and were not just smashed by the Eva?" she asked rejecting his theory.

"I just pay attention. I've been taking care of the chores for more than a week now, I've been out once or twice a day looking for any open store"

"Fair enough. Okay then, what kind of places were being demolished?" she hurried him.

"I can't remember… I think it was public buildings. I remember the water supply and the gas buildings being restrained some days ago, it said they were being adapted to something…" he just couldn't remember. "…as well as the political related places." he said doubtful.

The government was adapting public places to N.E.R.V.'s needs not to confiscate private property, so if someday people returned to the city they wouldn't find a new building instead of their houses. Of course the whole idea was stupid considering what the human Enhancement project had on mind, but the government was not that well informed.

"That narrows the options" she replied getting nervous again. "But then there was this interference… what could have been clashing with the phone line?" a couple of seconds later the answer came to her mind, magically. "Of course! The abandoned electric generator! It might be interfering with the cell phone's signal!" she said enthusiastically.

He didn't quite understand her reasoning but wouldn't question it either.

There was that old abandoned place where they used to go on weekends to spend the day since the view there was amazing and the bonus was the still working machines would keep them out of telephonic reach in case anyone wanted to bother them.

"That makes sense…" Shinji said remembering that the rusty energy plant was near the place where Kaji used to grow his watermelon and there was where he said he would await for death. If he was not already deceased and was just injured, he might be somewhere near there.

"Quickly, let's get the car!" Misato exclaimed as she dashed back to their building followed by Shinji.

As soon as they got to the car, she sped far beyond the legal limit and it had nothing to do with the lack of policemen and traffic jams in the city.

They got there in no time and they both got off the car. The place seemed to be correct, there was a bunch of workers taking their lunch break under a tree and the area was restricted. There were also drills that could be seen and electric wires all over the place.

Finding Kaji there was not going to be that difficult unless the stupid man had his phone off on vibration mode, Misato thought calling the number of the last received call. Nothing. At least the sound of the annoying drills had stopped for a while.

"Well, it's a big area, so we could separate and look for him before they start drilling again. Your N.E.R.V. pass should be enough for them to leave you alone" Shinji nodded and went to the right as Misato walked to the left, still sporadically calling Kaji's number. She didn't dare to call his name because of the memorandum she had received at work some days before. It informed about him being a spy and also that he had been taken care of, so if he indeed was alive there was no need to inform N.E.R.V. that whoever was sent to 'take care of' him had failed.

For a second she thought it was a pity they were going to build something on their secret spot since they had spent lots of magical moments there when the were young, then reality hit her on the brain and thought that there was not being many chances of repeating those moments if she didn't rescue the key element which was not precisely the terrain.

As she came closer to a small service shack which hosted a couple of small generators, but was actually the important part of the old complex, she could hear a high pitched music sounding somewhere near. It appeared to be coming from inside the shack. She stood in front of the door and peered by one of the cracks in the wood. "Kaji?" she called not daring to rise her voice too much.

No reply came, but she heard some noise inside. She had to open the door, but before that, she tried once more the cell phone. It definitely came from inside the shack. She called him one more time. "Ryouji?" The music was still sounding inside. Her attempts to open the door were useless, so she used all her strength to break in.

In the floor, right in front of the door there was Kaji lying half unconscious on his back with a blood stain on his shirt that had bled until it stained his whole chest, making difficult to notice where the bullet had entered from and yet it seemed as it had stopped bleeding already.

The sight worried her and she feared she not only had hit him badly but also had arrived too late, and then he moved slightly and that made her a bit calmer. He tried to come back to the real world, but he seemed not to be able to slip away from unconsciousness, though he recognized Misato's voice at once, he was not fully able to move.

It was incredible to see him alive after believing him dead for a week, and she couldn't help tears falling down her cheeks. She wanted to say a million things, but it was not the right moment. She had to take him out of there, soon.

"Kaji, hang on. I'll take you out of here" she said knelt by his side, caressing his cheek with the back of her hand. That seemed to wake him up for he had opened his eyes.

"Hello honey… I… knew you would be dieing to see me again, darling" he said with some difficulty.

"Shh, don't talk, Ryou-chan. Let me take you somewhere safe and take care of that wound of yours first… " she said in the tone she would have used to talk to a little child, but calling him by his name, as she used to do when they dated. That made him smile and then the effort made him wince.

"You need to see a doctor" she decreed.

"I can't trust any doctor…" he managed to say

"I know… we'll think about something…" she tried to calm him even though he was not as half as nervous as she was, tears still falling down her cheeks, but she ignored them or perhaps she didn't realize she was crying. Then suddenly guilt overwhelmed her "Oh, Ryouji I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" she started mumbling things of the sort. He smiled in spite of the pain that caused him.

"Shh it's ok. We knew there was no other way; you did the right thing… Let's talk it over later, honey. Now, take me out of here" his pain seemed to be growing stronger and he could feel that if something was not done soon he would die anyways.

Misato tried to lift him, but he was too heavy for her to carry so she stood. "I'm sorry I can't return you the favor today and carry **you** home… I'll go for help" she alluded to the uncountable times he carried her around after drinking too much to move on her own.

"Wait" he complaint weakly. "You can't just call anyone…" then she interrupted him.

"I know, I've brought Shinji with me" she said leaving the shack to literally run into the Third Child.

"Shinji!" she startled.

"I… I'm sorry, Misato. I saw you entering here and as you didn't come back…"

"There's no time for that now. Help me carry him to the car" she ordered going back inside and placing Kaji's arm over her shoulders with Shinji helping her lift him from the other side.

In that way they carried him to the car and placed him in the back seat, where he could rest until they reached Misato's house. They had to cover him with a blanket she had on the car's trunk just in case they ran into someone in their way home. Even though it was against the odds, precaution is always better than having a problem.

"Ryouji, is the wound still open?" Misato asked. Shinji was surprised to hear her calling him that way but once again he had nothing to say about it.

"I managed to remove the bullet and took care of it with an old and incomplete first aid pack, but unfortunately the bandages were missing, it wasn't too deep, but the shirt is stuck to the skin and then cicatrisation started…" he thought it a complete mess, but couldn't find the strength to talk again. It must have been the position, he thought, since he felt better when being carried by his two rescuers and now lying down on Misato's car he felt worse again. She thought it might have been painful to poke you where it hurts with a simple pen and no anesthetics.

"You must have lost a lot of blood… Shinji! Do we have sugar, bandages and antiseptic at home?" she suddenly asked the boy.

"Er… yes, I think so"

"How much sugar? We're gonna need a lot more to help that wound close as soon as possible. Go get some more… I think there was a market next to the ice-cream shop, I'll drop you there, ok?"

"Ok"

What she had not planned was the fact that with Shinji buying sugar she wouldn't be able to take Kaji to her apartment. After she parked at the basement of the building, she realized that.

"Oh shit!"

"What?"

"I can't take you home without Shinji, you're too heavy for me to carry" Misato complained.

"What do you suggest? That I make died?" he said with a smile.

"Very funny, Kaji. You shouldn't be talking so much" She got out of the car and opened his door. "You are not feeling that bad after all, it seems" she teased.

"Back to the cold ways, I guess" he knew her kindness towards him wouldn't last long.

"Do you think you can move? You look better than before"

"That's because you're with me, honey"

"I was being serious"

"So was I" To stop that conversation that made her uncomfortable, she offered him her arm to hold and tried to pull him out of the back seat. He stood in someway, leaning against the car and Misato on the other side.

"I think I can walk from here… I feel much better when I'm not lying down"

"Oh, you can't even stand on your own. You don't need to pretend around me." She said as she grabbed his hand and placed his arm around her shoulders. In that way, they slowly moved towards the elevator where her nervousness caused her to push two wrong buttons before the right one, causing the elevator to go up and down a couple of times before heading for her floor.

"I still remember the last time we shared an elevator"

"You mean when you took me to see what N.E.R.V. has hidden in its basement?"

"No, the time before that" he meant the time they were kissing on the elevator.

"Those were better times" Misato said with a bitter smile.

"I like the present best" she frowned and looked at him as if he had gone mad.

"That's right, having me almost kill you is **much** better" she said ironically.

"I think having you showing me affection and being worried about me just like the old times is worth the price" he said with a smile.

As if she didn't feel guilty enough before for having used him, who really loved her when they were young, then having almost killed him the week before; now she had to feel guilty for having been a cold bitch to him rejecting him time after time since they met again at Tokyo-3 while he said those beautiful and sincere things to her one after another.

She wanted to hug him, apologize to him for everything that she had done to him, she really wanted to go with her feelings for once, but if she did she would be exposed, she would be vulnerable. It didn't matter to her that he had never taken advantage of her while she was drunk or whenever they had been alone and everything else that he had done for her; it was not enough to be completely sure that if she gave herself completely she wouldn't get hurt in return and end up as her mother.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her as she didn't say anything for a while.

"I was thinking whether or not it is safe to go on with my feelings" he was as surprised to hear that as he was when he found out she had lied when she said there was somebody else and left him. He could smell the scent of alcohol still subtly remaining on her breath. So that was why she was talking like that.

"And what are your feelings?" **That** was precisely the right question. Kaji was unbelievable, she thought. A serious wound in his chest, lots of blood lost and he still would keep on flirting.

As he asked that, she turned her head to the side, so that she could look at him, who still had his arm around her shoulders and was being supported by Misato. Their faces were really close so they could easily kiss if they wanted to. She could simply say it was another of her dunk talk sessions, which would be half true but in fact, it was in those moments when she spoke her mind and heart to him.

In response to his question all she was able to do was looking at him with the facial expression of a little girl who is lost, afraid and had been hurt badly by the actions of those she loved as to trust anyone, but at the same time wants to trust for once in her life and know the warmth of somebody else's love. To go back to what they have had once. That look was worth more than a thousand words for him. He needed no further explanation. There was love in those eyes along with fear and that was enough for him.

She thought of something to tell him, but her mind only could think of apologizes and she realized that it was one of those moments that could be easily ruined by words. Her eyes slowly closed followed by his' as she leaned further to kiss him, barely brushing his dry lips with hers for a fraction of second. Perhaps that would give him a hint. In that moment the elevator arrived to the correct floor and emitted its characteristic beep. The magic evanesced in thin air.

"Let me help you out" said sounding tired to ease the tension she felt, unnecessarily. He wouldn't be able to move by himself anyway.

Misato took him inside and laid him carefully on her own futon which was still messy as well as the entire room with tissues al over and worn cloths left on the floor. He felt the pain come back. Yep, it definitely had to be the position.

"Don't you mind to help me to the chair?" she looked at him inquisitively. "I feel better when I'm not lying down" he explained. "Sure" and she helped him get to the chair in front of her desk which was full of paperwork and other stuff, but among all that, there was a frame with a picture they had taken years ago back in college featuring them both sitting on Kaji's gray convertible.

The picture made him smile. "I didn't think you would still keep these pictures… in such a visible place." A busy Misato who was trying to put some order to her room turned back to look at him, innocently. "Huh?" and after a pause she added. "Why not? Nobody else comes in here anyway so they wouldn't have to worry about looking at your ugly face" they both knew she didn't mean it, that she was only teasing to keep her reputation untouched. Then she came closer to him and stood behind the chair he was on, she took the frame and looked closely at it with nostalgia, with a bitter smile on her lips.

"We looked so happy…" she muttered. He smiled and said nothing, lost in his memories as she was on hers. It was cute when she put her shield aside and showed that side of hers and Kaji wished she would act that way without alcohol more often.

When he turned the spinning chair to look at her, she was gone. Misato returned a couple of minutes later carrying a first aid box and a cup with sugar.

"So… let me see your wound" she ordered having regained her strengths again, as if talking to a misbehaved Asuka, her hands on her waist.

"What's the sugar for?" he asked doubtfully.

"It helps cicatrisation, makes it quicker. It's what doctors use on heart surgery and that kind of things" She knelt besides him as he wandered if they had used that on her after stitching her chest. She guessed he was thinking about that.

"Don't worry, I've tried it myself and works pretty well" she assured him.

"I assumed that" She started to unbutton his shirt being careful on the places where it had adhered to his skin.

"You're lucky it didn't get infected… that hole is huge…" she said staring at his bare chest. There was an evident bullet entrance mark in there. She thought it didn't seem that bad after all. She had expected a much worse panorama. "Sorry about that"

"Don't mention it, you saved my life!"

The first thing she did was cleaning the blood stains from his chest with a humid cloth and after that; she took care of the wound itself. "This will hurt" she announced before starting to disinfect the wound.

"Are you sure everything's okay on the inside? What if there's something that needs to be fixed inside before letting it close?" The first question made him chuckle.

"Well in that case I would be dead already, don't you think?" he smiled. What were the chances of surviving five days with an internal hemorrhage or something alike? Not many. After a small pause, she finally dared to ask.

"So… what's that thing you were going to tell me if we met again?" The question took him unaware and surprised him. She, on the other hand, couldn't dare look at him. She had felt it was something important when he almost told her back in college.

"It was not the right moment eight years ago when we were breaking up and I don't think this is the best moment either…" So… that was it? He was leaving her curiosity unsatisfied. "There's something I need to recover first, but I promise we'll discuss it in time, eh?" That mystery was making her nervous.

"I don't know… do I really want to know?"

"Hum… probably not, but I'll take my chances"

As she finished what she was doing, Misato took cup with the sugar and a spoon.

"Lean back" she asked in a low voice, still thinking on what he had just said. With steady hand she covered the hole with sugar, filling it completely and adding a generous supply on the surroundings before placing the sterilized surgical gauze and then the surgical tape.

"You're done" Katsuragi announced. "We'll have to change the bandages twice a day and add more sugar, of course.

"You're an angel…" he said with a smile, not thinking about the real angels for a while.

"And that's supposed to be a compliment?" they both laughed, then Kaji winced.  
"I shouldn't have done that" he muttered to himself as she went to her closet and brought a box from it. She placed it on her desk, in front of him.

"Put these on until your clothes are clean."

"I'd like to take a bath first…" she might have forgotten the fact that he had spent five days lying on the floor of an abandoned shack, but he definitely hadn't. "This bandages you used are impermeable" The request surprised her at first.

"Sure, I'll prepare the tube" and she left the room leaving him alone with the box. Curiosity soon won the internal battle and he opened it. Inside there was a pair of jeans he used to wear at college, a white t-shirt and a blue shirt. To his surprise, they were not humid but actually smelled like soap. He remembered her wearing that the day they broke up, but didn't think she might have kept those things. Perhaps she still felt something for him while sober. Or she could have stored that a Saturday night after going out to a bar, he thought joking to himself.

Misato came to take him to the bathroom.

"Where you planning on returning me my clothes or were they just a souvenir?"

"You think you're the only one who still remembers the years when we lived together?" she was not facing him after placing him on the bathtub, but pretending to be busy washing his shirt and pants at the hand washer. After a pause, he talked playfully.

"Those cloths smelled like soap. You still wear them, am I wrong?"

"That's none of your business. You can have them back now!"

"Ah… that wonderful shield of yours! I was starting to miss it already! Having not seen it in the whole day as I use to…" after a pause he became serious and added "What are you hiding from behind that attitude? What are you so afraid of, Misato?" it was the kind of conversation he would have prefer having in a position where he could be holding her, not sitting naked on her bathtub while she washed his bloody clothes. The reply didn't come right after the question.

"I thought I had told you many times already…" she said slightly sad. "You're so much like my father and he hurt me… and my mother… I just don't want to repeat the story and at the same time I wonder if I'm doing the right thing when ignoring your… our feelings for you're also a different person than my father was and have a tender side he never had." She paused for a while, ordering her thought before speaking. "The matter always is: is it different enough to make me happy or will I get hurt again and repeat my mother's story?" it was not only him anymore she was talking seriously too now.

"I could tell you that I love you and that everything will be all right and it still wouldn't be enough, because it's your life and it's **you** who has to make the decisions and take your chances. No one can do that for you and nobody can ever play safe. That's how life works; we're all making decisions and taking chances all the time, it can't be helped. You can win or you can lose, but you have to choose, you can't be standing in front of the options forever." She thought about what he said. Perhaps she would have preferred him to tell her that he loved her and that everything would be all right and that would be enough for her.

Misato sighed and her hands clutched the wet cloth they were washing. It had been such a stressing Sunday; she didn't want to think about serious things such as the future of their relationship. While she was thinking that, he managed to stand on the bathtub, leaning against the wall.

"Look at me" he asked, his voice sounding as if he was not feeling bad at all. "Look at me, Misato" he repeated tenderly as she didn't move. Then she turned around and saw him standing there, naked, like he had nothing to hide, breathing hard because of the effort he had made to stand up. She took a few steps closer to him, fearing he would fall.

"Kaji…" he interrupted her.

"Do you love me?"

"What?"

"Do you love me?"

"Ryouji, I…"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes!" her vulnerable face showing up again. "I have always loved you… and you were the only one…" Seeing her like that, made him feel a little guilty for pushing her as he had.

Shinji arrived to the apartment just to hear her yell that, so he guessed the sugar could wait and after leaving it on the kitchen's table, he went to his room.

"Have I ever been mean to you? Have I ever taken advantage of you in any situation?" while he spoke, she rocked her head slightly after every question, negating.

"Have I ever not listened to your problems or helped you solve them instead of taking care of my own problems, even when you didn't want to see my face?" at that point she couldn't keep her eyes from becoming watery. She knew she had been unfair to him, but she decided she wouldn't cry.

"Have I ever not showed you love or ignored you?

"Not a single time… I know, you're perfect… and I'm not. You've always been so kind to me and all I do is yelling at you and telling you off… you don't deserve that, why are you so nice to me?" she felt they have already had that conversation at their friend's wedding.

"Because I know you, the real you. And I love you since that first day at the bar when we met and you were smiling so brightly… I have been a jerk dating those other women too, you didn't deserve that either and they meant nothing to me, it just seemed that the only moments you really cared about me were when you were either drunk or jealous."

"I was so scared, Ryouji… and it seemed stupid because you were so perfect and I just couldn't give in to you. It just made me feel more pathetic and so I locked myself up in my own world, causing you to have to call my attention in some way"

"You know… I haven't been with anyone but you since I got back to Tokyo-3"

"Liar…"

"I'm not lying. You know me well enough as to tell when I do." He tried to go near her, still helping himself with the wall, but as she saw him doing that it was her who went to him and held him so that he wouldn't fall. It didn't mattered to her him being all wet.

"You're right, I do. It's just easier to call you a liar and not having to make a decision… about what you told me that time when the elevator got stuck… you should know that I feel the same way." By that moment she was not looking at his face anymore but at his chest, to avoid his eyes. "You're like my dad in some things, I know that, but since you're back you've not showed that workaholic side that was predominant on him... or you at college not even once… and I know you haven't been with any other women in that time… and you know what I think every night in the darkness?" he remembered her being afraid of the dark born when she barely escaped alive from the Second Impact.

"Tell me…" he asked amazed at her talking so much about her own feelings in that way and so he removed one hand from the faucet he was holding to cup her cheek with his hand.

"That I could be there and get through it with you and it would be fine" he smiled at that.

"Let me be there with you. It's what I've wanted from the beginning, to be your man, to always make you smile like you did when we lived together. I don't want to hurt you, Misato. I love you" he moved his hand to her chin, leaning down for a soft kiss. She let him kiss her and replied to him. It was a feeling of safety what surrounded her when she was with him.

"You're a great man, how could you say you don't deserve to be happy? It doesn't matter what you've done. We all born to be happy…" she whispered in his ear.

"I've hurt you so much that time, haven't I? Please let me make it up to you, baby." He kissed her tenderly again and she didn't precisely complain, but was rather enjoying that.

"What could I lose? I mean… you were right, we don't know what could happen tomorrow and..."

"And?"

"And I wouldn't forgive myself if I let you go again" that time it was her who kissed him and it felt obvious to him that she meant it.

"Let's get you something to eat" she told him after the kiss was over. "you need to produce all the blood you've lost" she thought he was a strong man, having talked to her for so long standing on his own as if he were fine after all he had been through.

"Okay, let me get dressed then"

"Fine, I'll go and get you something to eat" then she remembered his state. "Do you think you can dress by yourself?"

"I think so, thank you. I feel much better now"

"Great" she was about to leave the room but he called her.

"Misato. Errr… you're not actually going to cook, right?" then he quickly added, "Just kidding.

As she left, he thought that she was partially right, except for the fact that he did know what was going to happen, and the forecast for the future wasn't exactly bright. As soon as he got healthier, he had to keep on organizing the resistance or the Human Enhancement Project would have them all 'killed' soon.

Misato went to the kitchen and found the sugar on the table so she knew Shinji was back, so she started to prepare something for Kaji to eat, putting effort into it for she knew she was not a good cook and wanted it to taste at least reasonably eatable.

After leaving the food on the table, she went to the bathroom to check on Kaji and found him dressed but sitting on the small seat she kept on that room. She guessed what had happened.

"Need some help Mr. Kaji?" she asked in a better mood.

"I think I could use a shoulder" Katsuragi helped him to the kitchen and sat on a chair next to him.

"Are you sure this can be eaten?" he teased.

"Oh shut up and eat!"

"Oh…and, Misato" she looked at him inquisitively. "Can we talk about business after this?" he had suddenly become serious again.

"Sure" and then she rested her chin on her hand as her elbow was on the table. She looked at him silently and a bit nostalgic as he ate in silence.

"So, you're telling me that there's a resistance?" she asked surprised after hearing what he wanted to talk about.

"That's right" he replied with one of that smiles of his. "Thinking of it closely it makes sense, who would just stay aside watching as Commander Ikari and SEELE fusion the world population into a liquid soup?"

"And how come I never knew about it?"

"Well it's been difficult to build all that without being discovered, so I had to make sure you wouldn't…"

"I understand: you don't trust me."

"It's the future of what's left of humankind what's at stake; would you have preferred us risking the entire conspiracy for not being careful enough?"

"So, it was **you** who was after all this as I thought"

"Indeed." After a pause, he added. "Just for you to know… we are leaving Ritsu chan behind too" that surprised her quite a lot.

"And why is that?"

"She's too close to Commander Ikari"

"You mean…?" He nodded rather enjoying her reactions. "For how long?"

"That I'm not sure, but it's pointless"

"How many people are we talking about here?"

"I would say over 78 of N.E.R.V. and that is leaving the civilians aside"

"Civilians too? What are you? Insane!?" He expected that to come eventually. "You're giving away top secret information to civilians?!" she suddenly stood with her hands on the table, leaning on them, closer to him.

"Calm down, Katsuragi. You never listen, do you?" he smiled to her. "The civilians involved know nothing about the real purpose of what's going on here, they think they're helping recover the environment or something like that" she sat again.

"There are too many people involved, that's not good!"

"You know what they say, the more the merrier!"

"Every extra person means an extra chance of being discovered. I assume you're aware of that, Ryouji"

"Yes, but it also means we have an extra man to help us stop them"

"How can you be so sure there is no spy in your little club?"

"We have a nice device imported from the U.S., something like a lie detector but more sophisticated. Every week every member who has access to crucial information has an appointment with it"

"It's known that those machines can be fooled by a trained person, but you seemed too confident when you said more sophisticated? What do you mean by that?" she knew him too well as to know when he was walking on swampy terrain and when he wasn't.

"You'll see. This device scans your mind while you're asked a question, when you recognize a fact as true, even if you lie and your heart is regular enough as to trick a common machine, your brain emits the impulse that means recognition. This can't be helped." ((Author's Note: This device really exists; I've seen it on the Discovery Channel)).

"So… if I lie the device would still know that my brain recognized the fact as true, right?"

"That's right"

"Interesting… how do we know N.E.R.V. doesn't have this cute toy too?"

"Let's say… it's not for sale yet." He smiled proudly. "And… I've got some friends on the U.S. who also want to prevent a Third Impact from happening"

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Well, I can't get out of here for now, honey, and it's not as my health is the only reason for that. I'd get killed… 'again' if they knew I'm alive…"  
"And you need me to run errands for you, is that so?"

"In a certain way… but I also want you to know the truth"

"Liar! You only told me because you need me to go outside and do things for you" He saw her voice growing louder and rested his hand on her forearm.

"Shh, don't think so poorly of me, my love. You know me enough… You are the only one who has all the information; the rest of the team only knows bits of it, small parts. I gave you the truth because I love you and I trust you and I knew you would do the right thing with it. Plus, you above all people have the right to know…" he sighed and she calmed down immediately after he touched her.

"Is that true?" she asked looking worried.

"Of course, it would be too dangerous to let the entire lot of information reach the wrong hands"

"I meant the 'I love you part'" she explained herself better.

"You know it is, I've been telling you so for what seems like forever"

"Yeah… I know. I just still can't believe it…"

"Maybe if you would stop looking at your father in me…" she nodded, avoiding his gaze.

"It's late already." Misato rose and turned her back on him, heading to the dish washer, to start the program. "I have to be at the H.Q. at seven tomorrow. I better go to sleep"

He looked at her and understood that there were still too many fears on her heart and thoughts on her head as to follow her heart and give in to him. She hadn't changed too much in those years.

"As you wish, honey. I'm sorry I can't help you prepare the futons"

"Nevermind that." Another uncomfortable silence was there among them. "You know… I've been thinking about Asuka"

"Speaking of the devil, where is she? I haven't seen her lately and I'm sure I should have being here and her being mad about me as she thinks she is"

"I don't know. She ran away and we can't find her. The entire Intelligence department has been trying to do so for too long and finally gave up yesterday"

"I see…" he said thinking. "Perhaps I could guess a couple of places she used to run away to when we arrived at Tokyo-3"

"We'll take care of that later, now you need to rest" she decreed forgetting about the dishes and walking to Kaji.

She helped him up and took him to her room, where she lay him on her own futon. She could use Asuka's but she would be mad with her if she did and after such a tiring day with the prospect of a similar one coming, all she wanted was to sleep. It was not as he was in the right condition as to molest her and it wouldn't be the first time they would sleep together either, so why was she so nervous about it?

He noticed she was absently staring into nothing and snapped his fingers in front of Misato's face, who was sitting on the floor next to him.

"What were you thinking about, pumpkin?"

"Nothing… nothing special" she lied. "Are you comfortable enough?"

"Sure, but where are you going to sleep?"

"Don't worry about that" she rose and turned the lights on, talking to him from the door. "I have to talk to Shinki-kun now. Good Night"

"Aren't I getting a goodnight kiss?"

"You already got one" came the reply before she disappeared and the door closed, leaving him in the darkness with only his thoughts and the light that came from under the door keeping him company.

Once outside her bedroom, Misato found the time to think she needed so much. With her back against the wall, she stayed for a while thinking on everything that had happened that day and the previous month also along with some episodes and memories of her childhood that came to her mind. Everything mixed up in a mess she could not understand and that overwhelmed her.

She knew she had to stop looking at her father in Kaji long before he told her so, and yet it seemed something so natural to do that it was almost unavoidable. The thought that her entire happiness depended on that was also a known fact by her, but what to do? How to avoid something so instinctive?

After she calmed down a little and put her thought in order, she went to Shinji's room to find him lying on his bed, listening to some music. She knocked on the open door.

"Hey Shinji-kun. May I come in?"

"Sure" he said taking his headset off and sat. "Is Kaji-san okay?2

"He'll be fine" and sat on his bed next to him. "How are you Shinji-kun? You seem troubled" the boy hesitated for a moment before answering. With the city evacuated and half destroyed, Asuka missing and the angels attacking them, it seemed normal to him to see everybody troubled or worried those days. He was more mature than her in some ways and yet…

"Do you think Asuka is still alive?" the question surprised Misato. She had asked herself that question many times before and now, her maternal instinct made her lie against her will.

"I'm sure she is. We can look for her tomorrow if you want"

"But the intelligence department couldn't find her, we are not better than they are"

"But they don't know Asuka as well as we do, do they?" he smiled weakly.

"You're right Misato-san."

"Kaji-kun says he knows where she could be. I'll ask him for details and take a look after work, what do you think?"

"Thank you" she smiled at him. Sometimes, when she walked by his door at night and saw him sleeping in his bed and Asuka in the next room curled up in hers, she felt as if they were a family. Or perhaps it was the unconscious fact that she was grown up and all alone what made her feel like that. Either way, that feeling of being needed by someone younger was what allowed her to sleep every night.

"Is there anything else I can help you with? You know you can tell me… you can trust me, Shinki-kun. You don't need to be silent, if we all do that we'll all be alone." It was the first time she told him something like that so directly and it made him feel uncomfortable, but he had to recognize that in spite of her slothieness and untidy nature, she was a good person. He nodded.

"Is Kaji-san staying here?"

"I guess so; he has no other place to go. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes… well…"

"Tell me" she asked gently placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Well… the way he says things… sometimes it's cruel"

"Yeah… and he forgets about other people's feelings. I know. But I think I understand him. He had a hard time after the second impact so it would be weird for him to be an optimistic. I guess we all do our bests"

"Asuka said…" he looked at her doubtfully before continuing. "…she said that you too"

"So, she told you about that, huh?" she asked tiredly after a long, long day. Shinji nodded. "I do my best too. We're just different, and so we act in different ways against similar environments" he nodded again but said nothing more so eventually she got tired of being sit in there and left. There always have been a barrier, an uncomfortable silence between them that made her lost her hope. That's why she preferred him asleep.

"Goodnight Shinji-kun"

"Goodnight"

With the light of the corridor on, she opened the door of her own room, hoping him to be asleep already, but as the door open, Kaji's head turned to see her. She turned the lights off for the first time in years and knelt by the futon.

"I thought you would never come"

"Make me some room" she asked wishing to be asleep and so forget about her problems. He moved to leave some space in the futon for her, placing his wound in the furthest part of the bed from Misato, so she wouldn't hit him there once asleep.

"Thanks" she said joining him after having taken off her skirt and bra, but still wearing her pink tank and panties. He was facing the ceiling, looking at it through the dark, thoughtfully and he opened his eyes wide with surprise as she cuddled against him, taking care of not making him hurt. As a reflex action, he moved his arm to hold her as soon as she came closer to him, so she could rest her head on the side of his chest that was not hurt and yet, she did it slowly, as if testing the terrain before fully lay on it.

"I can't remember the last time we slept like this"

"I do" she replied slowly. "Humm… you are so comfortable" Misato muttered quickly dozing into sleep. He smiled at that and got relaxed by the smell of her hair.

"I missed you, my love" he softly said to someone who was more asleep than awake.

"Me too… goodnight" she barely said before falling completely asleep.

Next morning, the sun came in by the window and Misato was curled up in bed, occupying most of the futon, her back towards Kaji and her body on a strange position, as usual. He, on the other hand, was half on the floor and the light fully hitting him on the face while she covered hers with the blankets.

The light woke him up first and he checked the time on the micro component's clock. It was about time she woke up if she wanted to make it on time to N.E.R.V. H.Q., so he turned to lay on his side and got closer to her, then tried to hug her, but she moved muttering incoherencies and hit him away, still asleep. That made him smile. 'Just like the old times' he told himself as he tried again after he took the blanket away from her, letting the sun hit her. This time he kissed her neck and hugged her by the back. Again he was told off by a sleep Misato. 'She's like this even when she's asleep' he thought rather enjoying having her close.

"Come on, honey. Wake up… or you will be late for your meeting" he told her.

She turned around to face him, quite asleep yet, but beginning to regain consciousness, with her eyes half closed because of the light.

"What time is it?" she asked confused.

"It's a quarter past six already, you better hurry" he said with his nonchalant smile as usual.

"Oh my god! I'll be late!" Misato yelled getting up at once and hurrying to get dressed, unwillingly giving him some show.

"You look great" Kaji told her with a huge smile.

"What?!" she asked turning around to see him. "And I still have to take care of that wound…" she complained calculating the time she had left.

Miraculously, she managed to get herself ready, get some of her unusual breakfast, take care of Kaji's wound and she even found time to remember Shinji not to talk about Ryouji being alive… or there. After that, she felt that without the pressure of a time deadline, she was not as stressed as the thought she would be.

During the trip to her job, she found more time to think about her life, but nothing new came out of it and soon she was inside N.E.R.V. H.Q. so she didn't dare even to think about him, fearing they would discover she had disobeyed and left him alive. Or worst, that she had him living on her house.

The first thing she had to do that morning was the hardest. She had to meet some people from the intelligence department who would give her the personal objects of her 'deceased' boyfriend. They had taken some time before returning them to her, since they had to double check that their spy didn't have any dangerous or useful information hidden there. 'Of course not!' She thought as she walked the corridor to the meeting. 'He's much more intelligent than that'.

It was a couple of seconds before she noticed that it was Kaji's office where they have told her to go. Number 318, Wing A4, Sector 9. With that, she realized that she had to act the mourning she had forgotten the second she found him alive. That was going to be difficult.

Review please, I write for you, so please review for me!!

Byes


	3. Chapter 3: The Finding

**If you want to read the disclaimer go to chapter one.**

**Old Loves, They Die, Hard**

Chapter 3

The Finding

She opened the door to find three men inside the office that had once been Kaji's, hoping that all the sad memories she had been evoking before entering gave her the appearance she wanted to pretend.

"Good Morning, Major" said the furthest man.

"Good Morning"

"Could you please take a look at his belongings?"

"Sure, would you prefer me to start from anything in particular?"

"There is a strongbox, among with a notepad and some other stuff that we think you might want to keep." A second man stated.

"The rest is paperwork and N.E.R.V.'s property, but you can look at it if you want."

She nodded and passed her hand by the back of his chair, which was in front of his computer. As she thought about all the time together that they wasted during the years they had been apart, she couldn't help her eyes becoming teary. It was just what she needed. Misato turned to face one of the men, to make sure he saw her. She knew they weren't there to give her Kaji's personal objects but to examine her and to make sure that her mental state was normal. She shouldn't be too sad but also not indifferent.

"May I see the notebook?"

"Sure major" the third man said handing it to her. "There are also some letters…" she looked at him, puzzled, as she received from him a bunch of yellowish envelopes. "I think those were written to you, but never delivered"

"That's so like him…" she said touched by the gesture and also surprised. She didn't expect to find letters by him in there. Curiosity made her want to read them in that precise moment, but she knew it was not the right moment for that.

"I'm sorry we had to open them, but it is our job"

"I know" she looked to the pages of the notepad quickly and then a couple of the envelopes.

"I'll keep these if you excuse me"

"Of course, Major" the first man said giving her a carton box to place the stuff. She did so and placed the box on the desk on top of a pile of papers.

"Ma'am, this is also yours" the third man said as he gave her a blue strongbox that she put to the left of the box before opening.

"What's the password?" she asked looking at the lock which opened once one entered a numerical code.

"It's on the post-it. It took our intelligence department a long time to decipher it. The numbers seem not to have coherence or be related to each other" he said. She then noticed a yellow post-it on the side of the strong box. There it was written the date of their anniversary.

"It doesn't make sense at all" she lied and then opened the box. Inside, there were some items such as the twin necklaces they used to wear when they went to college, some things she gave him as presents, some letters, an engraved pencil with Kaji's father's name, a pair of shaded glasses, a reliquary she forgot at his place and a silky black piece of fabric enveloping something among many other things. That last item caught her attention. She had seen most of the other stuff before, but that one, it was completely new to her.

"What's beneath the fabric?" she asked not daring to touch it.

"He seemed to be very found of you as far as this evidence shows… I think he might have wanted to give you that someday." The reply froze her there. Could it be? She better got the stuff and got out of there so she could focus on the rest of her job, or she would have to work extra time.

"The poor bastard can't do it now" said the second man. She was hurt by that comment, but said nothing.

"Thank you for your time, gentlemen" she said placing the strong box on the carton one and heading to the door carrying it. "I don't think I want to look at his paperwork. At least if it is as boring as my own" the men laughed and she left.

The rest of her working hours went by especially slow as her mind was at home, where she wanted to be. Luckily, she found some time to read Kaji's old letters at lunchtime, which seemed a much better thing to do than eating, since she didn't feel hungry at all. Actually, she felt kinda sick that day, so the letters would give her stomach some time to settle.

In the privacy of her office, she knew she had the quietness she needed to read that and she was sure that those pieces of paper would make her cry with regret. In the letters, the most beautiful and romantic things she had ever heard were written, among with other truths about Kaji and his feelings for her and their relationship that inspired her part of the willing to trust in him that she felt she couldn't find the night before when they spoke at the bathroom. If he had only sent those letters to her when he wrote them. And there were lots of them, one written every month since they split up. Of course the ones written in their anniversaries were the ones who made her feel more guilty for having ignored him and treated him bad all that time.

Soon after the lunch break was over, she ran into Shinji who was returning home after taking some synch tests and to whom she gave the carton box sealed with tape so he could take it to her room, as she told him. He understood and left. Even though he wasn't very fond of Kaji-san, he had to admit he made Misato a lot of good to have him close… at least in the moments she admitted her feelings for him.

After her job, Misato was entering her car when she remembered she had promised Shinji she would look for Asuka in the place Kaji told her.

It used to be an abandoned building similar to Asuka's house in Germany, so it was natural for her to like the place and a logic place for her to go when she ran away before. Why wouldn't she do the same again? Well, to start with, the place was completely destroyed during the last angel attack, so most of the walls were missing, but she was already there, so taking a look wouldn't kill her. It was better to lose a couple of minutes in her life than to be negligent.

She walked into the living room from the street, since the whole front wall was missing. The furniture was broken and beginning to rotten in some points, but besides that, the place seemed deserted. Not thinking on abandoning the place so quickly, she opened the door to a corridor and walked through it. After looking in the dusty kitchen and destroyed bedrooms, she was convinced that Asuka was not there, but as she went out to the garden, she saw the next building's bathroom through a huge hole in the wall. There, laying inside the bathtub and in a state that she recognized as catatonic, there was Asuka.

The Major called the girl's name, but she didn't reply. She didn't react either after her mentor rocked her, not even when Misato took her in her arms and doing a terrible effort took her to the car. As she had been lying in that dirty place for god knows how long, Asuka smelled awful and that smell made her tutor feel sick again. 'I'll have to wash her as soon as we get to the apartment' she thought, but then she remembered that she could also call the Intelligence Division to let them know that she had found her and they would send someone to pick her up and take care of her taking Asuka to a doctor.

In other circumstances she might have taken her home to see if Shinji and her could make her react, but since she was already taking care of Kaji and was not feeling great, Misato decided the best she could do was taking Asuka to N.E.R.V. where doctors would take care of her, so she picked up her cell phone and called N.E.R.V. to tell them she had found the Second Children and was taking her back to the H.Q.

Two hours later, all the bureaucracy was completed and Misato arrived at her apartment completely exhausted and starving, since the last thing she had eaten was the breakfast that morning. At least she was not feeling sick anymore. The first thing she thought as she took the elevator was taking a bath.

Inside, a nice smell came from the kitchen, as well as voices and light. She followed the sound to find Shinji cooking dinner and Kaji sitting on a chair next to him, entertaining the boy with funny stories from the time Ryouji was young. He seemed to be in a great mood and not torturing Shinji with gloomy chat.

"Hello everybody!" she said letting the good mood in the air invade her. The two men in the kitchen turned to see her, smiling. "I'm sorry for being late" she said putting a cute face.

"I was beginning to fear you could have been detained for interrogation after the box you sent me this afternoon" Kaji said looking at her. Shinji, instead, was looking at her expectantly.

"You should be happy to know I found Asuka-chan where Ryou-kun told me she could be"

"And where is she now?" the young Ikari asked looking over Misato's shoulder and so her smile faded.

"Asuka-chan was not okay Shinji-kun, so I had to take her to N.E.R.V. where they took her to a doctor, but they say she'll be okay" and then she smiled again to make him confident.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She seemed to be catatonic, Shinji-kun" At this point, even Kaji was surprised and even worried. He looked into Misato's eyes for confirmation. He knew she had been in that state too, so she could be affected by it.

"Catatonic?" He asked visibly worried. "You mean as in not moving? Autist?" Misato nodded.

"Don't worry Lover-boy, she'll get all right, right Misato-chan?" he said placing his hand on Shinji's shoulder, making him blush with the vocative he used. Miss Katsuragi nodded, smiling at Shinji's blush.

"Even Katsuragi was able to snap out of it, why wouldn't Asuka-chan?"

"Misato-san was catatonic too?" He knew part of her history since Asuka herself had told him but the details, he ignored.

"That's right, but that was long ago. Asuka will be fine" she assured visibly uncomfortable with the topic. "What are you cooking there, Shinji-kun, it smells great"

After dinner, the three of them were talking on the table and that night, in spite of the desolation in the outside and the deserted city, the angels and the end of the world N.E.R.V. was trying to produce, they looked and felt happy because Asuka was alive.

"Do you think the people will come back?" Shinji asked as Misato had her third beer.

"Eventually" said Kaji.

"Once Asuka recovers… if we manage to reactivate the three units and reconstruct the buildings that were smashed, people could come back. In fact, I saw a few buildings being repaired as I came home tonight"

"And yet there will always be some people who won't believe it's safe enough as to come back and will stay wherever they are now, but yes, mostly is probable they come back… perhaps after Christmas" he guessed.

"I hope so." Shinji said after he stood. "Well… I'll go to bed now. Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight Shinji-kun" and he left.

"Do you really think they'll come back?" Misato asked once the boy left.

"If we manage to stop N.E.R.V. they surely will, but in the meaning time we have lots of important things to do as to prevent it. Let me tell you more about the resistance."

"How much time do we have before the Human Enhancement Project gets its job done, Ryou-chan?" she asked worried.

"Maybe for Christmas, it would be an ironical date and the information we have hints it would be around that month"

"So we've got about eight months to get to stop them, right?"

"Right, but it's not as simple as it seems although it isn't as difficult as it would have been last year either, we've got a lot of adepts these days, you know."

"Do you at least have a plan?"

"Of course we do, honey, but we can't rush or we'll alert them about us."

"What's your plan exactly?"

"Well let's say we're trying to take away the key so they'll never find it in their lives…" he said with a calm smile.

"Why not destroy it?"

"In this case, my dear, I'm afraid it's not so easy. We're not talking about a copper key, not even an optical/digital key" then he lowered his voice to tell her the truth. "We're talking about Adam."

"Adam!?" she exclaimed not raising her voice.

"Exactly. You were there the last time humanity tried to destroy an angel without being prepared for it, you know better than anyone what the consequences are."

"But if we hide it and manage to stop N.E.R.V. from provoking the Third Impact, angels will keep on coming…"

"I know. I didn't mean to hide it forever, just until we find a way to destroy it, but that would take much longer than eight months at this rate."

"This rate? You mean you already have people working on it?"

"Well yes, but they don't exactly know what they're doing. They think they're researching the way to destroy the HIV cells or something."

"Oh my god… how can you be so sure it will work? I mean they don't even know what they're looking for"

"Calm down, pumpkin. It will work, the process is just the same, I give them a cell and they find the way to destroy it, it doesn't matter if they think it's cancer or whatever."

Misato sighed. She felt completely exhausted again just like the day before. She had been under a lot of stress lately. It seemed being next to him tired her or perhaps the stress their conversations put her under did.

"Ryouji, seriously, what are the chances of success?"

"You would be surprised to hear it, Major" he said smiling "you have directed less probable operations and succeeded. That's why we want you on charge"

"What!?" She asked completely surprised. "You must be crazy, I can't be on charge of the Eva and also the resistance…"

"You think it would wear you out?"

"No! I think I will be discovered and executed, there must be someone less involved to put on charge"

"Of course there is a lot of people who can do it, but you're the perfect one, you're inside, you've got a high range and have proved your loyalty to them by killing me!"

"What are the odds?" she asked again, getting impatient.

"15,23960""

"What?"

"What you've heart, my love, 15. While Commander Ikari was at the South Pole, you led an Operation which had a probability rate of 0,00001 and you succeeded."

"This is different, that can't be right, it's too much. You're underestimating N.E.R.V."

"You must be getting Old, Misato; you don't even trust friends anymore" he said mysteriously.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Oh come on!"

"Ritsu-chan? Impossible! She's…"

"I know, but she didn't…"

"Oh… let me guess… she didn't know what she was doing either am I wrong?"

"Yes… it was actually Magi who gave us the percentage. Your old friend Hyoga"

"He's not my friend… but he doesn't know how"

"He loves you, Misato and you know it. He would do anything for you even blackmailing Maaya. He told her he would tell Ritsu-chan she likes her"

"My God, Kaji!" she said exasperated, feeling everything around her was not what she thought it was, ignoring the fact that her workmate's sexuality had been revealed. "Is there anyone you haven't involved in this?"

"Well… there's Gendo…" he said with his nonchalant smile.

"Ryouji!"

"…and Fuyutsuki…"

"Oh, come on!"

"And of course the children and Ritsu-chan and the people of Intelligence Department oh, and S.E.E.L.E."

"That's it?"

"Well actually not, but pretty much" Misato sighed, feeling old, but at the same time as a little girl everybody hides the truth from.

"What do you want me to do, then?" she said resigned.

"Are you doing it?"

"Do I have any choice? Everyone else is involved and you need me… plus the other option is letting them kill us all!"

"Put in that way it seems like we all had no other choice but doing what we do, don't you think?"

"You're right, who would want to risk his life to stop those maniacs if their own lives an their families weren't at stake"

"Don't get so stressed, dear. Everything is going to be fine. Oh and you must want to know that if you join us, the chances of success rise to 32,9368264 that's a huge difference, you know"

"Stop pressing me, Ryouji. I'm completely stressed out." She complained while stirring. "First I am sent to kill you and I thought I did. You can't imagine how I felt for an entire week…"

"So you do love me" he said smiling carefree. She ignored his comment and kept on talking as if he had not interrupted her.

"then I find out you're alive but you don't tell me where you are, so I have to play cat and mouse all over the city and then bring you here secretly to take care of your wounds and feel mine bleeding again…" he tried to talk, but she stopped him "but that's not all, after that I had to go and look for Asuka everywhere and take her to the hospital oh, and I was forced to lie for you and act the whole morning to get you your damn box and now that I want a warm bath and some rest that I know I deserve, you tell me I've got to play double agent so you get your resistance's chances of saving the entire human race increased…" she gave him a recriminatory look. "I am also working 8 hours a day at N.E.R.V. which happens to be not a pillow factory but a secret organization and leading extremely dangerous procedures that can end in many people dying, so I wouldn't pressure me so much if I were you, for you don't know when I can blow up!"

An uncomfortable silence rose between them. It was not her intention to accuse him of all that, but it was too much for her. After thinking it for a while in silence, she spoke again.

"I know many of those things are not even your fault, but it feels too much for me already. Perhaps the Human Enhancement Project is not that bad after all…"

"That's a coward solution. I wouldn't have expected it from you" he said slightly disappointed.

"It's too easy for you to say it sitting at home the whole day, hiding"

"Right, do you think it was easy for me to be a triple agent every day to get the information I needed to stop the HE Project, to have you shooting me, to survive for a week wounded and without food or decent water? And you know what? I didn't complain, not even once, and I don't regret it either, because every step I am closer to destroy their Project, so that YOU can live!"

She would have expected him to tell her anything but that, so those words awoke her guilt and silent tears began to fall down her cheeks. That made him feel bad for saying those things instead of being more understanding towards her and you could read that in his face.

"Come on, don't cry. You're a strong woman" he said making a huge effort to stand up and walk to her to hug her.

"No, I'm not. But everybody seems to think so these days" she said in a low volume.

"I shouldn't have recriminated you anything, you're an amazing woman, you're really strong to do all the things you do, I know you, I know you can do anything you want to do… and I'll stay by your side to support you and help you… as I've always been." She raised her head and looked at him.

"Really?" Misato asked more pragmatically than romantically, not crying anymore and suddenly staring at a tulip painted on the calendar that was on the wall, she was not the type that cried a lot.

"Really. No matter what you choose, I'll be by your side, even if you prefer not to get involved in the resistance."

"Don't worry, I will… I'll do it." she said completely convinced, having regained strengths after that moment of weakness.

That sudden change surprised him and awoke his curiosity.

"And why have you suddenly changed your mind?" she kept on looking at the calendar, now somehow with horror. Then she felt everything turning white, heard Kaji's voice calling her from a distant place and her body becoming lighter and lighter… After that, she blacked out, fainting on the table, since she luckily was sitting on a chair with Kaji by her side.

He was too weak to carry her to her futon and that could make his wound open again, so he did the only thing he could and called Shinji to help him take Misato to bed. The young boy didn't let him help him and took Misato himself to her bedroom. He was a weak apathetic coward and he was not sure he liked Kaji that much in the days he started talking about gloomy things but he was not letting an injured person carry another one, even if it was only a few meters to the futon.

Half an hour later, Misato woke up confused to see Kaji sitting next to her, caressing her cheek with one hand while the other one held hers. He smiled at her as she blinked to clear her mind.

"Welcome back, baby!" she frowned still half asleep at his word-choice.

"How long did I sleep?"

"You fainted, my dear…" he said looking at her slightly worried about her not realizing that. "How do you feel now?"

"I'm fine; I just need to go to the bathroom. It seems I've been drinking too much water lately." He chuckled at that reply. She wasn't that bad if she could still come up with something like that.

"Okay, go then…"

As she came back, she found him sitting on the futon where she left him and sat next to him, then laid her head on his shoulder which surprised hi m, but after the first impression passed, he smiled at her and hugged Misato.

"Do you love me, Ryouji?" that question was out of place too and she seemed suddenly sad. Was she drunk or what?

"Of course I do! I've been telling you so for years now! You should have realized it by now, you know…" he said being patient, but as minutes went by and she said and did nothing, he had to ask. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm tired, it's nothing to worry about" He didn't seem really convinced by that.

"Please go to see a doctor tomorrow, will you? Just to be sure everything is okay" he suggested more than asked.

"I'm fine, why would I need to see a doctor?"

"Come on, Mi-chan! You just fainted in the middle of a conversation and want me to believe it's nothing? What's happening? Are you sick and you didn't want to tell me you're going to die?"

"Oh, that's optimistic, Ryou-kun" she mocked at him.

"You've always been as strong as a stone, how could I not be worried?"

"I just need to rest… and tomorrow I'll feel better but I'll go to see Ritsu-chan if you want"

"That's better" he said as if talking to a little girl.

"I'll take a shower before going to bed" he nodded.

A while later she returned warped on a towel and drying her hair with another one. Her recent apathy was replaced for a good mood again.

"Missing me already?" she asked after closing the door. The comment was so unlike her he had to look at her puzzled.

"Are you feeling okay? You must have hit your head pretty hard against the table, you have hallucinations!" she laughed at that.

"You think so?" then she changed the subject as she came closer to him. "Let me see your wound, it's time to replace the bandages" she said and he bit the bait.

"I feel much better today. That sugar of yours is like medicine from heaven. It is cicatrizing faster."

"Good" while working on his bandages she kept on talking, not paying really attention to what she was saying. "So, could you tell me who's on that resistance or what I'm supposed to do, so I get an idea?"

"Well, you'll recognize them because they've got "Support World Unification" badges… you know, the international movement that's become so popular this last five years?" she rose her gaze from his chest to his eyes.

"That's it? And how do you know they're not just agreeing with the pacifists?" he sighed, she was coming back to normal.

"Japan is against that movement since its creation, but every country has its adepts, even Japan can be susceptible of that, has that's why adepts starting to appear here is not likely to arise suspicious."

"I see… are you sure N.E.R.V. doesn't know that already?"

"Absolutely, but you better not carry it or it could become too evident, I mean I die, you become a member of a movement I supposedly supported… They'll know who you are anyway."

"And what's my part on your great plan then?"

"You'll take care of the delay…" she winced again at his word choice.

"How?" she asked to keep him on the subject.

"However you can, you have to do anything you can to delay the HE Project, it is said they're only 0,02 behind schedule… we need more time, we need to change that percentage to 0,09 at least so S.E.E.L.E. will get nervous and will get rid of Ikari..."

"It doesn't sound very reliable, why don't we create a distraction to take Commander Ikari away long enough as to make the change?"

"Change?"

"Yes, you better leave a fake Adam in replacement of the one you take so they won't find out before it's too late for them to act? In that case you'll have time to "

"I know, I was just talking nonsense to get you to give me an opinion" he said with a wide smile. She frowned.

"So, you didn't have a plan, you wanted me in so I could plot something for you" she accused him again.

"No that's not true, we do have a plan, we just need you helping us with the difficult part: getting Adam. We almost do it when I came here to hand it in to Ikari but I was unable to do it due to the Angel Attack"

"That wouldn't have worked, they have been running tests on the sample since it arrived here"

"See? You're a genius Mi-chan! That's why we need you!" he said happily and kissed her impulsively. When they parted she announced him she was done with the bandages.

"We'll talk about your plan tomorrow; just satisfy my curiosity now, will you?"  
"If I can…" she said doubtfully.

"Tell me why you changed your mind about the resistance."

"I… Ryou-chan, we've got to talk, I've got something to tell you" she said worried as he looked at his watch. His smile faded as he noticed it was something serious, since the last time she told him that, they argued all night and finally broke up. He suddenly seemed sad too.

"I don't want to know, right?" he repeated the question she made him the night before.

"I'm not sure"

"Then let's talk about it tomorrow, honey. It's too late for you already and you wake up early and work until night lately." She looked at him pouting. She needed to talk with him in that moment. He looked at her, hurt. "I don't want to repeat history, my love. We're finally back together and now you want to talk again?"

"Who said we're together?" she was defensive.

"Okay, sorry…" he said a bit hurt.

"Look I've got something to tell you too, so let's have dinner tomorrow while we talk, what do you think?"

'You say you don't want to repeat history and then you go and do it' she thought as he said the same thing he did eight years ago after she told him they had to talk and then they talked and he said he didn't deserve to be happy and other depressive things so she lied to him telling Kaji there was somebody else in her life, to make it easier for him to leave her as his conscious asked him to do.

Misato came back to reality from her memories.

"Okay, let's have dinner tomorrow then… but what about Shinji-kun?"

"I'll take care of that, okay?"

"Okay"

"Fine" he smiled and rose to kiss her forehead. "Then let's go to sleep now. If you're breaking up with me tomorrow at least I want to hold you one more time" that made her smile.

"I'm still not sure about who dumped who, but it is you who's leaving me tomorrow." Came her tired reply. "I'm exhausted; let me help you to bed"

And so, they slept like the night before, but this time each one had its own worries and fears to think about"

The following night, as she arrived from N.E.R.V., she found the house apparently empty and dark. Everything was silent and there was no sight of Shinji anywhere. She made her way to the kitchen, where a subtle light could be seen.

There, she was surprised to find the whole kitchen lit only by candles and a table completely set, but the meal was still in the oven and didn't smell at all. It looked like it had been recently placed there.

On a chair, there was Kaji waiting for her with a smile on his lips. She looked at him amazed and for a second forgot her strange mood. Everything seemed so perfect that it double hurt her remembering she had arrived there to ruin it.

"Welcome home, honey!" he said happily looking at her. He was wearing formal clothes he made Shinji buy for him that afternoon.

"Ryou-chan… you shouldn't" she muttered still incredulous, walking into the room to approach him. "Why did you do all this?" she said with the same face she made when she saw the diskette he sent her with the music to defeat the twin angel. "You're wonderful, I'm awful… I don't deserve this" she said as she was in front of him.

"Nonsense, you're perfect" he said rising with difficulty to kiss her welcome. "The meal is not ready yet, why don't we sit and talk while we wait for it?" he said after the kiss.

"Hum… okay" she said sitting down, her heart beating two hundred times per minute. "You go first"

"You're evil…" he said smiling as he sat too. He simply took a small piece of silky black fabric that looked familiar to her but which she didn't dare to look and placed it on the table. It was evident it was covering something small. He slid it through the table to her. Her pulse grew faster. "Open it" he ordered gently. "I've wanted to tell you this for eight years, but I didn't have the courage last time." He told her.

Misato feared her guessing had been right at his office, but she took the small box hidden under the fabric with shaky hands and open it to reveal a ring, but not any ring. It had the largest diamond she had ever seen.

"Oh, you can't be serious!" she said stunned in spite of knowing all the time what was going to be there.

"Is that all you're going to say?" he said with a smile that showed he was having fun.

"What can I say? I don't deserve this and yet I've wanted it and feared it for so long…"

"I love you Mi-chan, would you marry me?"

"You idiot! Of course I will!" she said rising to go near him, still holding the box in her hands. He rose and kissed her a short kiss before taking the ring and sliding it on Misato's finger. Then it was her who kissed him that time and pretty hard indeed as to make him stumble. It was really odd to see her that passionate out of bed.

When they both recovered from the nerves, the sad look appeared on her face again making him sad too.

"What happens, baby?"

'Well yes, precisely that' she thought ironically.

"It's my turn now."

"Okay then, why did you change your mind about the resistance?"

"Because I think I'm pregnant"

Well… that's it for now, I'll go to sleep, it's 6:30 am, see you in chapter 4!!

Review please, if I write for you, the least you can do is reviewing for me!


	4. Second Part: Chapter 1: Wind of Change

Author's note: I have to admit that the second part of this fanfic came to my mind first and only later I began thinking on how to introduce that plot to the public, but then I started writing the first part and it was so fun to write that I left myself be carried away by words and ended up enjoying it a lot, but it ended up being rather cheesy.

Now is when the plot stops being so romantic and the intrigues begin. I hope you like it.

Second part

**Old Lies, They Die, Harder**

Chapter 1

Wind of Change

That was the third time in Kaji's life he was completely speechless. The first one was when Misato had told him there was somebody else in her life, the second when she said that _that_ had been a lie and this one, this time it was completely different, it was not about lies or breaking up, but a child… his child… no, their child.

He was there, standing in front of her, looking into her eyes seriously but at the same time feeling as lost and young as she was with her own look of lost little girl in her face. Kaji ran a hand through her hair, leaving the other one in her waist, where it was. Finally, he smiled.

"I… don't know what to say" he said half serious, half smiling, holding her closer to him.

"I've noticed. That's strange coming from you" that made him chuckle.

"You're right, I might be getting old." Or at least old was how he felt in that moment. "Why didn't you tell me before?" he recriminated her in a soft voice.

"I've just realized yesterday when I saw the calendar in the kitchen" she said, still not sure about his position on the matter. He smiled to her to cheer her up.

"Well it makes more sense now. You could have told me last night, honey"

"You didn't let me, remember?"

"But this is something important, it's worth not waiting"

"I was afraid… you being such a flirt, what they do in this cases is running away" Kaji smiled at her and hugged her tight, not caring about the pain the contact of her chest and his bandages gave him.

"Mi-chan, the two years we lived together were the best of my life… the only worthy ones in fact. The way we used to laugh together and play together… and your smile! It was always so bright… The only reason we haven't gotten back together before is you've rejected me every time I tried to get closer to you…"

"I regret that now… Especially after knowing what N.E.R.V.'s up to." She felt sorry about the lost time, for the end could be close. "Reading your letters yesterday, it made me regret many things I did and said to you. I'm an awful person and you've always been so nice to me." she remembered how she felt the day before reading all the nice things he wrote to her in those unsent letters.

"We can't do anything about the past, but we still have future. If we manage to stop that Project, then we could be together, just like the old times, huh?" Kaji winked at her and she nodded, more relaxed.

"So, you haven't changed your mind?"

"I won't leave you, don't be silly! What could I want more than resuming our relationship and to be with you? I haven't had a single non-restless moment since we broke up, until this week when I had tasted again a bit of what had been our years together. Now that I have you back, I can't reject you for something like this."

"Ryou-chan…" she said but found nothing else to add, so she closed her mouth and looked his with her lips.

They were still kissing when the smell of the duck in the oven indicated it was ready to be eaten. He parted and walked slowly to take it out of the oven which he turned off to leave the tray with the food on top.

"Hum… Ryouji"

"Yes?" he turned to look at her.

"Do you mind not eating yet?" He nodded "I don't feel like I can eat anything right now. It smells too strong." She felt sorry he had worked so hard to cook for her but also knew her stomach wouldn't allow anything in yet. Kaji simply smiled at her, barely remembered his mother having similar symptoms before his younger brother was born.

"So, how many weeks are we talking about here?" his nonchalant tone was back to stay it seemed.

"I don't know… nine, perhaps more" he certainly didn't expect that.

"What? Wasn't it the last time…?"

"No, we used one that time and I started feeling sick long before that. I thought it was the beer…"

"Then when? You can't mean…?"

"I think it must have been after the marriage party. I was so drunk and you let me piggyback ride you to your place, then drove me home later... I can't exactly remember whether we…"

"And you didn't find out until yesterday?" he asked not believing it. She wasn't _that _clumsy. Misato nodded.

"I was not seeing anyone before you came back to Tokyo-3, why should I have been paying attention to my cycles?" Well, that made sense to him. After a pause he talked again.

"Have you been to the doctor today?"

"Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first"

"I wish I could go to you…"

"Perhaps Ritsu-chan could help us… I don't think she would tell Commander Ikari, no matter how much she might like him. I mean, we've been friends for ages! And yet… this happened before you were… killed, so…"

"Hum… I don't know… Letting other people know I'm alive… We didn't include her in our plan because of her instability respecting Commander Ikari, should I trust her with my life?"

"She doesn't need to know"

"She would find out eventually"

"Why not testing her with your magic machine?"

"Because she's a scientist and an intelligent one, so we can't fool her about our purposes. She could even reproduce the machine…"

"Let me talk to her. I know her as well as she knows myself. I'd know if she could put us in danger… or the resistance" she added the last part after a short pause. Since she realized it was more than her own life at stake, she knew she couldn't stay aside while others made their best effort to avoid humanity from melting away.

"When will you do it?"

"I'll talk to her tomorrow, perhaps I could buy her lunch and we could talk during the break."

"Okay then, but please, don't let a doubtful friendship risk the plan… or our child" it was the first time she heard him talk about the topic and she couldn't help a chill down her spine that he noticed.

"I'll just talk to her and test her… to see who she is loyal to. If it's to Commander Ikari there's nothing we can do" he smiled at her.

"That's my girl!"

"Speaking of girls, where's Shinji-kun?"

"He helped me out with dinner and then went to N.E.R.V. H.Q. to see Asuka. He'll come back later"

"Poor Asuka, I should have gone to see her… It's too late for a boy his age to be alone even if the city is deserted… one never knows and he's a Pilot, we could need him."

"Don't worry, they'll drive him home" that didn't calm her enough.

At that point, he began to wander if he would ever see her again as fresh, happy and carefree as she was when they lived together, laughing with him, making jokes, taking walks in the forest, camping some weekends, not the denying angry woman she had turned into. Only time could tell.

"Let me show you something" she said heading for her room while his stomach growled in the kitchen. But he would wait for her, so Kaji followed.

"What is it, honey?" he asked entering Misato's room after her.

"You'll see" she replied mysteriously sitting on her chair and turning the P.C. on. As she was on the only seat, he remained standing behind her and started massaging her shoulders.

"Poor thing, you've been through a lot of stress lately" She just smiled.

"Hum… that feels good" she said while waiting for the computer to load the O.S.

The wallpaper was an old picture of them in which Kaji was sitting on the grass leaning against Misato who was knelt behind him, hugging him. In the background there was a tent and a fire. The memory made him smile.

"I wouldn't have thought you were the sentimental type, Katsuragi" he teased.

"Oh, shut up!" Then finally the O.S. finished loading and she accessed an internet website. "I've been doing some research" she announced.

"Really? About what?"

"The country side"

"The country side? It's been ages since we last went camping, but I don't think this is the best time to do that" he said with a smile.

"You see… this spot on the map is near Hakone-2 but it's actually a small village some people find nice as a touristic place, and at the same time so insignificant that one could easily visit unnoticed. Locals usually mind their own business and…"

"It's not safe…" she ignored his interruption and continued talking.

"I've been into M.A.G.I.'s records and there hasn't been a single N.E.R.V. agent there since its foundation."

"You mean the village or Hakone-2?"

"Both of them! That's the funny part. N.E.R.V.'s been everywhere else in the country one time or another, but finding not a place, but two they've never sent anyone to. It's just strange… and I've also checked the maps at N.E.R.V. and it's not marked… not in a single map, not even in the older ones or in the most complete ones which have every single town in Japan but that. They can't ignore it on purpose…"

"I see your point now. What's your theory?"

"None in particular it just feels not right. We should go investigate. If it's really a N.E.R.V.-free place we can take advantage of that and if it isn't… I'm sure whatever we find there will be interesting enough as to make the trip worthy"

Shinji arrived later that night, finding the kitchen table already empty and the dishes washed. _'I guess I'm too late for dinner'_ he thought as he entered the living room also empty. _'They must be already asleep'_ then he headed for his room and heard something. _'Kaji-san's wound must be giving him a hard time'_ Changing his mind about sleeping, he went back to the living room and turned the T.V. on.

"I think I heard noises"

"Oh… come on! Stay here with me, honey"

"It must be Shinji, I'll go check"

"As you wish, but you'll leave that cigarette here. You can't smoke now." he finally surrendered to the idea of her leaving but at least he would have his own victory too.

"Yeah, whatever" he smiled at her shield, getting used to it.

Misato walked out of her room on her casual clothes to find Shinji watching T.V. on the couch.

"Tadaima, Misato-san" he said when he saw her.

"Okaeri Nasai" she greeted him as she sat next to him.

"Is Kaji-san ok? I think he was in pain… he seemed to be complaining." hearing that, her cheeks turned pink.

"He's fine. What about Asuka?" Misato changed the subject, not willing to talk about Kaji's 'pain'. "The poor girl has been through a lot lately. Firt the coma and now this…"

"She's getting better. She even talked to me a little. They say we can bring her back home as soon as she fully recovers her perception of the outer world." His mentor gave him a sincere smile.

"I'm glad to hear that." She remembered how hard those treatments were and how dull the mental institutions were and really hoped Asuka got better soon.

"But the doctor said we have to keep her calm after that, no stress…" she nodded.

"Ritsu-chan said it would take her some time to pilot again, but they've found her a replacement in the meaning time"

"Really? Who is her replacement, Misato-San?"

"I have no idea." She said casually. "By the way, we saved you some dinner. It's in the oven"

"Thanks. I'll reheat it, then" he said standing and making his way to the kitchen

"Hum… Shinji-kun" he stopped and turned to see her, expectantly.

"Yes?"

"Do you mind us keeping you company while you eat?"

"I don't mind it"

"Fine I'll help Ryouji-kun here" Shinji nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.

The face of Shinji turned red and he felt uncomfortable in the kitchen, not even paying attention to his plate despite the fact his last meal had been lunch.

"Whoa, congratulations Misato-san, Kaji-san" he said wishing he could disappear. For some reason, grown up's business always made him nervous.

"Do you mind not telling Asuka yet? She's not gonna take it well and in her condition…"

"Sure, I understand" he said relaxing a bit.

"It would be better if people at N.E.R.V. don't know either… at least for now"

"We have to find a way to tell them about it without risking Kaji-kun's secret."

"Do you know its gender yet?"

"Not yet… I haven't had time to see a doctor yet. And it seems I'll be working extra hours for a while." Misato said tiredly.

"Hey, cheer up, honey! We should throw a party to celebrate!"

"I don't think it's the time for a party… especially since nobody else should know you're alive"

"Spoil sport"

"How are you telling Asuka?" Shinji asked concerned.

"We'll think about something… eventually. One thing at a time." Kaji said looking at Misato who looked like she wanted to stop talking about the subject.

"It's getting late and I've got a lot of things to do tomorrow… I'll go to bed now" she excused herself and left, forgetting Kaji would need her help anyway.

"I don't feel ready for this" Misato confessed later, when they were alone in her room, laying in the dark, both victims of insomnia.

"You mean spoiling Ikari's plans or being a parent?"

"You pick one"

"Hum… as far as I'm concerned you've always been great at directing operations and working under pressure. Do you think it's going to be that different this time?"

"If we fail the consequences…"

"I know… but isn't it the same with the angels? Supposedly we fight them to prevent a Third Impact…"

"It's not the same, Ryouji. I can send those kids to fight the angels but playing spy… that's your job not mine."

"What other choices do we have?" Misato sighed. She knew the answer.

"I was not worried about that anyway… I… still feel like a little girl, too messed up with the traumas my parents caused on me as to be anyone's mother…"

"You know… I think nobody is ever ready for parenthood and we will always consider ourselves sons and daughters to our parents, no matter what… it's just human nature. I bet our parents had troubles with their own parents and felt this way too…" he said staring into darkness with his arms crossed under his head.

"You seem so calmed… you always do, don't you?"

"Not always…"

"Have you ever been afraid?"

"Of course I have! What are you talking about? You know me better than anyone, Katsuragi, I've told you everything about me already…"

"Katsuragi… That's my father's name. I don't really feel like thinking about all this right now. I wish I could turn my brain off, but it just won't shut up… memories just keep on flowing."

"You need some rest. You'll feel better in the morning"

"No. It's always like this. All this thoughts that appear at night… It drains too much energy from me to block them, it's exhausting"

"Maybe it is time to start listening to them and perhaps after you are done analyzing that they would stop appearing… how long?"

"I can't tell… ten years perhaps? Fifteen probably…"

"And you just keep on avoiding them?"

"Un…"

"_I understand now why she hasn't grown out of it yet"_ he thought. "Why not letting them free?"

"I guess I'm afraid of what I might find out… I couldn't afford wasting time thinking about my own problems while the angels threatened with killing the entire human race… now I can say the same about the Human Enhancement Project, but deep within, I know I'm just running away"

"We all are… we all are"

"Still feeling bad about your brother?" she asked happy to change the subject, rolling to her side to curl in his arms. He smiled bitterly as he hugged her.

"I can't help feeling guilty, I'm just like you… and yet I'm much worst. I turned him in to save my life when I was supposed to protect him and it makes me angry at myself… while you can't forgive yourself for hating the man who saved your life for what he had done to you before that…"

"It is so easy for you to forgive me. I wish I could do that… You make it look like it's not really a big deal…"

"I didn't mean that! I know it hurts you as much as my brother's memory hurts me, but the difference is I know I have to go on and you just avoid thinking about it while you walk this world as a stray kitten."

"It's been a while since we last talked like this" she said less stressed under Kaji's voice's sedative effect. Talking to him always made her relax and feel as if everything were just okay.

"You're right" her phrase seemed to relax him too, as the optimistic atmosphere which used to never leave them when they were together at uni appeared once more. "I have to admit what I missed the best was talking to you."

"Really? Not the sex marathons?"

"Uh-Un. Not that. I feel comfortable talking to you. I can't talk in that way with anybody else." She cuddled some more against him.

"I feel that way about you too. That was what brought us together in the first place, remember?"

"I thought it had been the beer" he said now unworried as usual. She giggled.

"Well… yes that too. But we could have found any other drinking partner if it was only the beer"

"What? You're being open about your feelings? I might have fallen asleep and now I must be dreaming"

"Baka!" after a pause she added. "I like the way it used to be. I miss laughing with you instead of yelling at you, I miss talking my mind to you instead of avoiding talking, I miss everything and I lied when I said being with you had been the worst mistake I had ever made…"

"I know"

"Me too… I just needed to say so. It really was the best time of our lives. I wanted to recover some of that magic, but you keep on teasing me…"

"Sorry, I didn't know it was holding you back" Misato yawned.

"I think I could sleep now…" she said sleepily rubbing her eye with the back of her hand. "Would you hug me?" The question surprised him.

"Sure. Turn around, baby, let me hug you so you can sleep. You've been through a lot lately, but you're the strongest woman I've ever met and I'm proud of you" he kissed her hair.

The next morning started really early for Misato and the weather predicted it was going to be a bad hair day for her. Outside it was pouring raining and she got completely soaked while trying to make her car start after having it breaking down in her way to N.E.R.V. She had planned to visit Asuka before the start of her shift, but she arrived at the H.Q. barely in time to make it to her office. There was a lot of paperwork to do even though no other angel had attacked since the 17th had died, for there were still too many broken goods and places still under repair that the complaints just kept on arriving at her desk. It seemed finding time to talk to Ritsuko wouldn't be an easy task.

Most of the morning went off reading papers and signing them before redirecting them to the involved section or department and as she was taking a five minutes break to get something to drink someone informed her Commander Ikari wanted to talk to her later. She wondered what he could want to talk to her about. With the calm atmosphere of relative peace the lack of angels allowed, there were not many issues Commander Ikari could want to discuss.

At noon, she yawned and stirred before leaving her office heading for Ritsuko's. If she was lucky she could talk to her for a while, but she thought it would be better to discuss the difficult matter somewhere outside N.E.R.V., where nobody could listen to them, but where to take her friend if she was not able to drink? Ritsuko was intelligent; she would suspect something, so It had to be an unusual place. She only needed a matching excuse to the place she had already chosen.

Misato saw her plan ruined when nobody replied her knocking and after opening the door her eyes confirmed her friend was not at her usual work place. Where could she be? She had no excuse to check the Central Dogma, so the whole expedition to Ritsuko's office had been a waste of time. Giving it a second thought maybe it was not. She had signal on her cell phone in that part of the installations, so she could text message her friend asking her out. After all, they were friends and it wouldn't seem suspicious of her to meet a friend.

It was only a few minutes before the end of her shift when her phone started vibrating on her belt. She was supposed to meet her friend on the eastern exit. Misato smiled and packed her stuff as fast as possible suddenly realizing she hadn't had time to think about the way she would inquire her friend to discover what side she was on. For someone used to take decisions under pressure like she was, it should be easy to find a way to get that information about her friend, she thought as she arrived at the meeting place.

Her conscience reproached her for postponing the visit to Asuka, but she felt somehow the meeting with Ritsuko would be more important to the top priority she had at the moment which was preventing the Third Impact from happening. The first time the Intelligence department found Asuka seven days after she had disappeared; the second time, it had been Misato who found her and brought her back, so in a certain way she had done enough for the girl as to allow herself to take care of more important things for a while without feeling that guilty. She could still see her later on that day if she still found the strength to do so, but the single idea of going back to N.E.R.V. after having finished her work wasn't precisely the most appealing one.

"Good afternoon, Doctor."

"Good afternoon, Captain. Where are we going?"

"I've heard of a nice tea house that's still open…"

"Quitting the drinking habit are we? That's too good to be true."

"Is not that, I just don't know of any pub still open…but where have you been all day? I've been looking for you everywhere!?" she changed the subject as she always did whenever her friend said something she didn't want to talk about.

"Working, of course! Why this sudden interest in talking to me, Captain?"

"Can't I invite my friend out for a cup of tea?"

"So you've finally remembered you have a friend, eh?"

"How mean!"

The ride to the tea house was short and the chat was casual. Misato knew she had to be tactful or Kaji's work and effort would be ruined if anybody knew about the resistance.

Inside, the place was deserted excepting for a couple of N.E.R.V.'s low rank employees and the waitress. It was an old woman who served them soon and talked with a lot of enthusiasm for finally having come customers.

"So, what is it, work or a man?"

"A bit of both… I've been working extra hours for weeks!"

"I guess that was made on purpose."

"Huh?"

"You know… to keep you busy and not giving you time to think… They knew of you two…"

"I know that, but it hasn't worked well enough so far. I've been thinking more in the last weeks than the rest of my life" she was not lying, but the reason of her worries was not what Ritsuko imagined.

"It's understandable. You've just lost the man of your life…" the comment made Misato blush.

"Stop calling him that, what do you know about it!?"

"Still on denial, aren't we?" Dr.Akagi asked lighting a cigarette.

"I didn't bring you here to tease me…"

"If it's not Kaji-kun then what is it? Perhaps you want to talk about that rebel organization that's been growing a lot lately…" she said with a small smile while her friend was visibly surprised as she turned pale. "I see you've heard of it too… oh, dear! Look at your face! Could it be that you're also involved with them?" the roles were inverting and Misato had to think fast. "Of course! It was your boyfriend's hobby how you could not be involved…"

"How… come I didn't hear of it until recently, Doctor?" she asked trying to look serious and to remain calm.

"Well you've never been a good observer, my friend. I'm afraid it could have been you the one they were trying to get rid of instead of Commander Ikari and you wouldn't have noticed." Captain Katsuragi ignored the critic and went to the point.

"How long have you known about it?"

"I don't recall… a couple of months, perhaps more… It's not something I care about"

"Then why Commander Ikari hasn't taken care of all of them?"

"Because he doesn't know, of course!"

"But I thought you…"

"What? That I was in love with him? Don't make me laugh, Captain!" she lied.

"Come on, I know you like him. I've seen you staring at him."

"The fucking bastard deserves to be killed." She said with cold rage, hurt by his indifference towards her more than she would ever admit. How could he prefer Rei to her? Misato felt pity for her friend. "Of course I'm not that stupid as to do it myself, but if they're up to it, they'll do me a favor"

"You deserve someone better."

"Who are you to talk me about it? I don't need your pity!" she rose to leave, but Misato held her wrist.

"Doctor, please, wait!"

"What do you want from me? I won't sit here to have your compassion any longer"

"I didn't want to touch a sensitive spot or make you uncomfortable. It is something else I wanted to talk to you about, actually."

"Yet another thing? You're unbelievable, Captain" she said sitting down again. "What is it?"

"I need your help… I'm pregnant"

"It has taken longer than I had expected" Ritsuko said sarcastically.

"Very funny, Doctor, but I'm not in the mood for jokes"

"It wasn't meant to be a joke"

"Oh, please, Ritsuko. You know there is no one else I can ask for help"

"So, you want to become a serial killer, you first kill the father, now the son… and I'm supposed to be the accomplice?"

"How dare you! It's not that! …I need you to do me an ecography…"

"So, you're planning to have it"

"That's right"

"The poor child…" Misato glared at her friend. Sometimes she couldn't precise why exactly she kept on being Ritsuko's friend. "Why me? You have specialists at N.E.R.V.'s clinic that would make a more accurate job…"

"No, I need you." She made a pause, thinking on what to say next. "You'll see… the situation is much more complex than just that…"

"You're having triplets or what?"

"I don't think this is the place to talk about it…" she looked around. "Perhaps you could come home tomorrow for dinner…"

"Only if it's Shinji's turn to cook"

"It will be." Misato assured as she paid the bill.

"Thanks god. Then I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out I guess…" Ritsuko replied standing and putting her coat on as Misato did the same.

"Yep… hum… could you please bring the equipment"

"Oh… come on! I've got everything at the lab, why don't you come over?"

"I told you, I can't explain it to you right now!" She insisted lowering her voice volume.

"You better have a good excuse for all this trouble"

"I have one, I promise. Just bring it with you, okay?" Ritsuko sighed, surrendering to her friend's wishes.

"Okay." Both women left the tea house and outside, it was raining again.

"Do you need me to drive you home, Captain? Your car seems to be not working properly, you could send someone to fetch it and repair it tomorrow…"

"I'm sorry, Doctor, but I've promised to go and see Asuka before going home…"

"I see. Well, see you tomorrow, then"

"See you!"

It was about nine when she arrived the apartment. Fortunately for her, dinner was about to be ready and to her surprise, it was Kaji who had been cooking, judging by the grey apron he was still wearing.

"Feeling better?" she asked him tiredly but in a good mood. Kaji nodded.

"Indeed" he assured her with a wink.

"Kaji-san insisted on cooking tonight, even though it was my turn"

"Don't worry, Shinji-kun. You can cook tomorrow. Ritsuko is coming over for dinner and she doesn't want to eat my food…" The name immediately caught Ryouji's attention and he turned around to look at his fiancée.

"How did that meeting go?"

"It was better than I had expected, although full of surprises… I'll tell you about it later, but she's bringing the equipment with her tomorrow"

"Did you tell her about me?"

"Of course not! But as you said, she'll find out eventually…"

"Hum… if you need some space I could go to my room…" Shinji said uncomfortable.

"Oh, there's no need for that, Shinji-kun. It's nothing important. She'll be bringing the ecograph here so…"

"Oh, I understand. You must be looking forward to it"

"Absolutely" Kaji said bringing the food to the table.

"How is Asuka-san going?" Shinji asked to change the subject.

"She's getting better. The doctor said she can leave next week's Friday. We have to celebrate" Misato said happily right before remembering the fact she was not going to be able to drink for a while. No party was fun without drinking, so the idea was not so appealing to her anymore.

"Hey honey, I haven't seen Pen Pen lately. He hasn't died, right?"

"No. It's with Asuka's friend Horaki. Tokyo-3 is not safe enough for anyone and I didn't want to risk it just to have it close to me"

"But you miss it" he knew her well enough as to be able to tell that.

"I prefer it this way. I saved it from the lab and it wasn't to expose it to an angel attack later."

The rest of the dinner was filled with small chat as to avoid eating in silence, but Kaji couldn't wait to hear Misato's summary of her talk with Ritsuko as well as the details of the rest of her day. Captain Katsuragi on the other hand, felt she really had to tell him about her meeting with Commander Ikari, which was what most worried her at the time.

"Don't worry, Shinji-kun. I'll take care of the dishes" his mentor told him hoping that will send him to his room giving her the chance to talk to Ryouji.

"Un. Thanks Misato. It was my turn tonight…"

"It's okay. You'll cook tomorrow so I had to pay you back for that"

"Right…" Shinji said and left the kitchen to watch some T.V. in the living room.

"Are you telling me about our old friend?" Kaji asked nonchalantly as usual, but Misato was serious and ignored his question.

"I had a meeting with Commander Ikari today"

"You mean he called you personally to his desk?" She nodded. "What did he want?" He wanted to light a cigarette but he thought he better got used not to smoke in front of Misato for a while.

"He said I won't be needed at the H.Q. for now..."

Thanks to Misato18 for reviewing. Receiving that review meant a lot to me and gave me the will to keep on writing. I hope you like this chapter. I'm already working on the next one.


	5. Second Part: Chapter 2: The 18th Angel

Author's note: This chapter is possible thanks to my very own Kaji who gave me the inspiration I needed to keep on writing after I fell into a slump. With all my love to the only man who knows exactly how to break all my shields. I love you Gabriel!

Second part

**Old Lies, They Die, Harder**

Chapter 2

The 18th Angel

"It's not like Commander Ikari to fire someone like you. I don't like the look of this…"

"He didn't mention it being permanent; they will keep on paying me for some reason... Perhaps I'm being investigated for something connected to you… It seems for some reason somebody declared I'm mentally unstable and when they looked for a second opinion, the other person confirmed it."

"Did he tell you who they were?" Misato negated with her head.

"He said people close to me…"

"Who would do such a thing?"

"I don't know I thought I had no enemies…"

"What are your options now?"

"I have to leave the apartment the day after tomorrow. There is a doctor at Yokohama-2 they want me to see…"

"What? They're evacuating you too?"

"It seems so…" she sighed. "This sounds as if they were trying to get rid of me"

"It's almost like being at the hospital… or a paid vacation"

"The thing is… He had always needed me at N.E.R.V. or wherever I could be easily located in case an angel attacked and now he wants me to go somewhere…" she said worried.

"That's strange…" her fiancée looked at him questioningly. "As far as those dead sea scrolls say, we know he won't need you now that the angels are not attacking anymore, but sending you away? That's suspicious. Perhaps he suspects something about the conspiracy and…"

"Perhaps he wants to keep me away from it because I'm in a fairly good position as to become a threat for him if I join the organization?"

"Probably… but there has to be some other purpose besides that… did he mention anything else?"

"No, he just said I won't be needed for now so I should go and see that doctor… but I think he either wants me to become overconfident and do something stupid to betray myself or wants where I can be an easy target. I know too much to be fired and he doesn't really need me anymore as to send me to another sector where I won't fit."

"Aren't you being a bit paranoid? The fact he wanted me dead doesn't mean he wants to kill you too."

"I know, but it still sounds strange…"

"We'll have to keep our eyes open"

"I still have to think how to get you out of here without being seen. They'll send a car to pick me up, but maybe I can talk to the Security Department tomorrow and tell them I'll go on my own."

"Wouldn't it be more suspicious if you said that?"

"I don't think so. They have drivers in case people can't afford traveling on their own and people usually like being driven, so they rarely complain. I would only be making them a favor by leaving myself. They can send me my stuff later."

"Then you better do the booking tomorrow. Do you know a nice place at Yokohama?"

"Surprise! We're not going to Yokohama."

"Still thinking something's wrong at Hakone, right?"

"Definitely. We'll stay there, it's less an hour away from Yokohama, so I can still visit that weird doctor, but in the present circumstances, if Commander Ikari wants me at Yokohama that would be the last place I would want to be at. At least until I know why he wants me out."

"That's wise. You can't even trust a friend now a day."

"Speaking of friends… I met Ritsuko today…."

Misato told him the details of her conversation with their friend trying not to forget anything. He was more trained at discovering hidden intentions than she was and even though she believed she had judged her friend correctly, it was always better to discuss it with somebody else.

"So, she knew of it all the way, huh? I think I had underestimated her by thinking she wouldn't realize."

"Could it be possible that you've been also underestimating Commander Ikari?"

"I don't think so. Ritsuko spends much more time with our people and probably she listens enough of their daily conversations as to know what kind of things they would or wouldn't do. She is completely able to tell who would be attracted by our ideal, plus Ritsuko also has access to classified information. Commander Ikari meets the higher ranks only; he can't judge every one's character that well."

"I wouldn't have expected her to be so vengeful. She loves him and wants to see him dead… It gave me the creeps."

"Well… you've told the same thing many times, does it make it true?"

"She sounded convinced"

"I bet she didn't really mean it. It's normal for her to be mad at him for rejecting her."

"Not rejecting, more like ignoring."

"Whatever. I wouldn't risk the plan by including her."

"We don't need to do so. The fact I let you live doesn't mean I have to be a part of your conspiracy. It could have been just… you know… love" he nodded not paying attention really, with his mind far away. It took him some seconds to come back.

"We have to change the plan. With you out of N.E.R.V. we're going to need a new one, the one we have is not going to work. We can't take the risk of recruiting someone new now. There's nobody safe that high in the ranks"

"Don't worry about it. We'll have plenty of time to think about it now that we'll be going away."

"What do you have on mind?"

"I don't know… renting a room at that touristic town, camping perhaps… Still not sure"

"Taking the vacation thing too serious, aren't you? We're running away, not traveling for pleasure."

"I'm just trying to figure out which one is safer. If you were the Intelligence Department, where would you look first, a hotel or a camp?"

"We're talking about the Intelligence Department here, they'd find us anywhere"

"Then why it took them a week to find Asuka the first time she ran away and this time didn't they find her but I did?"

"Because I told you where she was"

"Okay and why did you know where she was?"

"Because I know her"

"That's my point! I know you well enough to tell you prefer camping than staying in a hotel. They don't. People usually choose hotels"

"I'm glad they do. It's been a while since we last went camping"

"Oh, and in the middle of the country you won't find people to ask for directions or show them a picture of the fugitives in case they recognize them."

"That's what I like about you" he said with a sincere smile.

"What's that?"

"You're not only beautiful but also intelligent. I would bore to death with a brainless woman as my girlfriend." She smiled at him but said nothing for a while, lost in her own world.

"What's going to happen to Shinji-kun?" she asked him after a while, but the question was more rhetorical than pragmatic.

"He's a big boy, he can live on his own" he was surprised by the question.

"What about Asuka? She was living with you at Germany, wasn't she?"

"I guess she can manage being alone as well… or perhaps she prefers to stay here with Shinji-kun, not to get bored"

"Two children alone?"

"Oh, relax, honey. They're not like us, they can't stand each other"

"I was not thinking about that!" her cheeks turning pink. "I mean I _was_ thinking about that… the second that. I mean the two of them being immature as they are, they'd be arguing the whole day"

"I'm sorry to say this but I think it's not your problem anymore" Misato's face darkened as she heard that. It took her some seconds to recover from that comment before talking again in a slow voice.

"I think it's me who can't live alone after all. They'll be fine, won't they?" she looked at Ryouji, looking for confirmation. She desperately needed to believe so, even if it wasn't true.

"Of course they will. And you're not living alone as long as I'm alive"

"Which knowing you, Mr. Mischief, could be like the next twenty minutes, so I wouldn't rush the promises if I were you." he smiled at the joke.

"I hope I live longer than that"

"Who knows… they don't need me anymore, so we might have even less time than we have calculated."

"Shhh, let's forget about that for now…" he said leaning closer to kiss her.

It was Misato's last day at her office and yet, the pile of papers on her desk was as huge as the one she had to work at the day before. She wondered who would be taking care of that hideous paperwork the next day, if there was a replacement for her. Perhaps all that office work lately had been to keep her busy so she couldn't think of the lack of angels there had been lately.

A knock on her door brought her back to reality. She hoped it was not anyone she knew, she was not in the mood to talk to anyone, since that Yokohama business made her too angry yet as to think clearly. She was becoming a bit paranoid and she knew it, but also couldn't help it.

"Who is it? Come in, it's open"

"Captain, I've just been informed about your departure…"

"Do you come to say goodbye?"

"Not really. I came to apologize"

"Apologize?"

"It's my fault you're being send away. I called you many times this week and it was always Shinji-kun who would pick up the phone to tell me you were locked up at your room, so I talked to Commander Ikari to convince him of giving you some time… you know, to recover from the shock, but he got it all wrong and said you were in no condition to keep on working… I'm sorry."

"I can't believe it."

"You better do, you're leaving tomorrow morning, Captain"

"I know. I just… It's been a rough week"

"I understand that."

"Do you think there is something behind this whole 'let's send Captain Katsuragi to the shrink' thing?"

"Aren't you becoming a bit paranoid, Captain? You're not the one who's been spying on them, why would they want you out?"

"You're right, I'm talking nonsense. It must be the shock" she said faking the topic was unimportant to her.

"But coming to think about it maybe…"

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, it's just nothing." The 'blonde' stated firmly.

"I need to know, Doctor"

"You're not part of that organization, right?" she asked scanning Misato with her green eyes.

"I don't get involved in that kind of stuff, Doctor, you know me!" she lied. The other woman didn't believe her.

"I see. Then it's nothing"

"What if I would?"

"Are you?" her eyes narrowing a bit.

"No!"

"Then you don't have anything to worry about"

"I'm glad to hear that" Misato replied feeling scared again.

"So, about tonight…"

"You're still coming, right? Let's make it a goodbye dinner"

"Fine. Send my regards to the cat"

"Wha… how do you know?" the Captain asked amused.

"The ring you're wearing. I don't care if it was in his strong box as they say in the corridors. I know him. He would throw it to the river before having an officer give it to you along with the rest of his possessions."

"You could be wrong"

"You know I'm not, Captain. You're too comfortable on the subject as to be mourning"

"You sly bitch!" Misato teased "You can't just know everything! It's not fair!" complained.

"It's my work, dear. It's my work." Her friend looked worriedly pale. "Don't give me that look, Misato, we're old friends, I won't turn you guys in."

"Thanks Ritsuko"

During her lunch time, Misato headed for the Legal Department at the F section, where a short albino man had her waiting for fifteen minutes before letting her into his office. It was a complete mess, even compared to her own office, but the serious look in the man's pale face took care that nobody judged him by that.

"Why are you here, Captain? I understand you're being transferred tomorrow and there won't be anything concerning you here anymore" he said in a hard voice.

"I want to know the name of the current legal tutor of Langley Sohryu, Asuka-san."

"At the moment nobody is taking care of the girl, since her tutor died and she's at the hospital… she'll be sent to an institution after she recovers."

"I want the custody"

"But you won't be working here anymore"

"I haven't been fired either, so legally I still will work for N.E.R.V. tomorrow, even if I'm not assigned to a determinate department or section"

"I would do it, Captain, but your expedient file says you're currently under psychiatric treatment due to mental instability. I don't think you're able to take care of a child, especially since your protégé Ikari, Shinji-san's testimony was one of the ones taken into account when taking the decision of declaring your incapacity." Those words hit her like a shad of ice. It was not like Shinji to do something like that, and yet hearing so hurt more than she would imagine. She remained speechless for a while, until she regained the composure.

"You think an institution is better for a child than having someone taking care of her?"

"I'm sorry, Captain, the decision is not up to me" he said almost enjoying the situation.

"What would it take for me to be able to have her custody?"

"Your therapist recommendation, madam"

"Fine." She said defiantly. "What about the third children's situation?"

"The situation is still being evaluated. Sending him to an institution or not would also depend on you therapist's opinion under regular conditions, but since he's needed at the H.Q. he could even be emancipated if it's necessary as long as he can keep on with his work" That sounded awful, even for her who was used to N.E.R.V.'s lack of consideration to human beings. They were not her children, not even her relatives, but they had become her family and she wouldn't let them take them away from her.

"I'll do my best to prevent that from happening. Thanks for your time, Sir" she said dryly before leaving the place, angry.

After work, Misato went to visit Asuka once again at the hospital wing. She seemed much better than the day before and definitely better than the moment she found her in the bathtub, although she was still quite silent and spent hours in the same position staring into nothingness, she seemed to be responding good to the anti psychotics she was taking and luckily they had no need to use electroconvulsive therapy on her as they had to do with Misato when she was younger.

"Hello Asuka. How are you doing today" she greeted the girl who was sitting in her bed hugging her legs with her arms. Misato sat next to her.

"You're looking great this afternoon. The doctor said you could get out of here soon"

"What for?" she asked mechanically.

"Well, we could make a trip to Yokohama and practice Scuba diving since you missed the school trip, what do you say?" she was thankful the hospital was a complete independent institution from the main function of N.E.R.V., so she was sure there were no microphones or cameras in there that could be used to spy on them.

"What for?" she repeated still staring into nothingness.

"It would be fun, don't you think? We could go to the karaoke and go camping and fishing and we could buy you new clothes…"

"What for?" Misato sighed.

"There are also a lot of cute boys in there. I bet many of them can be interesting…"

"I don't want boys" her tutor could swear there had been a change in her eyes, but the next second it was not there anymore.

"What do you want then, Asuka-chan?"

"You know what I want and you took him away from me" she kept on saying, monochordly.

"That's not true, Asuka…" Misato's hand caressed the girl's left arm but at the contact, Asuka began moving forward and backward, like a machine. Misato retracted her hand, worried and feeling sorry for her.

"He never loved me, he loved you instead" she seemed like she was never going to stop moving.

"Asuka, let me tell you a secret" she tried.

"I don't want to hear it" her eyes still fixed on the same spot she had been looking the whole day, despite the movement.

"Yes you want. If you stop moving I'll tell you"

"I don't want to hear it"

"Please, Asuka…"

"I don't want to hear it" Misato sighed again, tiredly.

"Er ist lebendig, Asuka" ((Literally: 'He is alive')) she told her in German in a gentle soft voice that she hoped was… comforting.

"Was!?" the red haired asked putting some emotion into her voice and raising her head to look at Misato, but still rocking her body. ((Literally: 'What!?'))

"I can't really talk about it now nor here, but I promise I'll explain it all to you in time, ne?"

"I want to know now" she decreed.

"I'm sorry, Asuka, but talking about it to anyone is risking his life. You wouldn't do that, would you?" she rocked her head 'no'. "Fine. Then I hope you get better soon, so we can take you to him."

"I want to go now"

"I can't take you now. I've had some trouble at work. I'm being evacuated to Yokohama tomorrow."

"Why? You've been fired?"

"It's a long story, but kind of. Bottom line is perhaps you could join us later when you're fully recovered"

"I'm fully recovered, Gott!" Misato smiled. That was much more like the Asuka she knew.

"Is nice to hear that, Asuka."

"What about my precious Unit-2?"

"The doctors say you'll have to rest for a while, so we can have fun at Yokohama and then when you feel better you can come back to your Unit-2, what do you say? It would be like going on vacation" she said enthusiastically.

"Great, then I'll get better really soon so we can go Scuba diving!" Misato smiled at her.

"You know…"she said becoming serious "I've been like this too… After the Second Impact I've been catatonic for a year before I was able to leave the hospital and resume my life… that days were the loneliest of my life and that electroconvulsive therapy was just terrible. I'm really happy to see you're okay. I was really worried about you."

"_She was worried about me…maybe she cares about me… but she has him… and he loves her… he rejected me for her…"_ she thought machinelike.

"And Shinji-kun was too"

"_He was worried about me too…" _

"And even you-know-who was"

"_Kaji was worried about me… he cares about me…but he loves her… not me…"_

"Well, I've got to get going now. I must prepare my luggage for tomorrow and tell Shinji-kun about it… I didn't have time to talk to him, since I was informed only yesterday."

"I want to see him"

"Shinji-kun?" Misato asked surprised. "He sends you his SDAT player so you won't feel alone" she placed the device on Asuka's bed.

"What? No, not baka-Shinji" _"He also cares about me… he lends me his beloved machine…baka…" _she kept on thinking.

"The doctor said you can get out next week's Friday. You can join us then" she was being optimistic since the psychiatrist's approval was missing, but she would get there eventually. "I have to go now, Asuka. It was nice to see you."

"Auf Wiedersehen, Misato"

"Sayounara, Asuka-chan"

It had been about half an hour since Misato had arrived home when the door's bell rang. Shinji was already cooking when Katsuragi opened the door to her friend who was carrying a huge wheeled bag like the ones children take to school.

"Good Night"

"Hi, come in, come in. Oh, what's that? Are you planning on moving in with us too? We're too many already, Ritsuko, you'll have to find another place" Misato joked closing the door after the 'blonde'.

"There's always room for a friend" a male's voice came from the kitchen.

"Heh, Kaji; I knew you must have been escaped" she said as calmly as usual before she greeted him.

"You know what they say Ri-chan, cats have nine lives"

"I thought they said that curiosity killed them" she replied.

"Why don't we go to the kitchen? Dinner's almost ready, isn't it Shinji-kun?" Misato asked from the living room.

"Good night, Ritsuko-san" he greeted from the doorway with the apron on and an inviting smell coming from behind him. "I've made a special traditional Japanese dinner"

"I see you're celebrating already, Japanese dinners are almost as expensive as steak now a day." Dr.Akagi said leaving her luggage in the living and entering the kitchen where the males were already. "Huh? Where's Pen Pen?"

"It's with Asuka's friend Horaki-san. This city is not safe anymore" Misato said missing her feathery roommate.

"There's nowhere to be safe as a matter of fact, but if you want to keep on thinking that way it's okay" Kaji smiled nonchalantly as he spoke.

"I thought you were an optimistic" the blonde remarked.

"Me? No, I'm just a realistic man." He made a pause before continuing. "If I wouldn't know you, I would say you have more faith in the project that ourselves"

"Then is good that you know me, Kaji-kun… and tell me, that 'ourselves' includes Misato or just you and your friends?"

"I don't think that's a subject to be held at the table" Misato interrupted the rain of insinuations dryly, hoping they'd get the hint and stop talking top-secret issues in front of a teenager.

"Sorry, hon." her boyfriend apologized.

As usual, perceptive Shinji noticed the tension in the air and looked for a way to erase it. "Misato-san, Kaji-san told me you were going to visit Asuka today. How is she?"

"Oh that…" she thanked him with a smile and he felt less uncomfortable. "She's doing fine, we talked for a while and she talked back to me. I think they'll get her off the antipsychotic soon. They might even let her go before the scheduled date."

"Good" he replied monochordly as usual.

"Oh, by the way, Shinji-kun. I've been sent to a special mission at Yokihama, we'll leave tomorrow morning" Ritsuko's face contracted at hearing the lie. Misato was a good liar, she thought, but not good enough to trick an old fox like herself.

"Okay. How long will you be away?" the tone was emotionless, so Shinji like, but it was Kaji who replied.

"We don't know yet, but you better stay here and keep your eyes open" was his recommendation. The boy nodded, used to resignation.

"I promise we'll come back as soon as we can. I'm taking Kaji-kun with me so you don't have to worry about hiding him or helping him around" his guardian explained.

"Thanks for making me sound like a handicap, darling!" She just scolded him with her look.

"This dinner is really great, Shinji-kun. You've really improved your habilities" Ritsuco complimented.

"Thank you, doctor"

"Of course it's logical if you know who he lives with. If the poor boy wants to eat something decent he has to cook it himself. Are you planning feeding your child instant food too?" Misato was about to defend herself when Kaji interrupted her.

"I'll take care of it, Ri-chan, don't worry. It will be just like the old days"

"You two don't seem to realize how much your life will change"

"Let's not think about the future, okay?" Misato asked not wanting any other excuse for Kaji to start giving Ritsuko hints on the Human Enhancement project's real goals, which she already knew. The whole thing seemed pointless to her, if her friend didn't want to have anything to do with it he should just stop pushing her into it.

"I thought this special dinner and stuff was all about the future" Ritsuko replied. Misato sighed. It definitely was like the old days with both of them teasing her and she wouldn't know which one hit first. In those cases she would just drink not to listen at them and then the next day all she had to do was declaring she had been too drunk to remember all the fun they had made of her the day before.

"I miss my beer" she complaint deflated.

"Why don't you buy those alcohol-free beers they sell these days?"

"It wouldn't be the same, I can tell the difference" she lied. What was the practical part of drinking something that wouldn't help you escape the world? She knew the answer to that by heart: NONE.

After dinner, they remained at the kitchen for a while waiting for Shinji to wash the dishes and serve the coffee, which Misato had to pass too. She felt she was being kept from the best pleasures in life. Thanks god they hadn't forbidden her to have sex or it would have been really unbearable and it wasn't as Kaji could have much of that either with his chest perforated. She sighed.

"I miss coffee too"

"I would suggest you decaf, honey, but you probably can tell the difference too"

"I thought you were happy about it, you haven't stopped complaining"

"I remember now why I didn't invited you over for dinner often"

"Why is that?" the other woman asked with false curiosity and the huge display of patience she always did when with Misato.

"All you do is pointing my mistakes. Should I proceed to talk about yours?" she was definitely not in the mood that night.

"Calm down, honey, she's here to help us. Ritsuko is a friend, she doesn't mean you any harm"

"Don't worry, go ahead" she sipped her cup. "But I'm already aware of them" said quietly.

Later, they all went to the living room to see the show. Misato was lying on the couch and Ritsuko preparing her equipment kneeling in the floor next to her bag. The two males, instead, were standing nearby, looking at Ritsuko as if she were some kind of alien performing a ritual they didn't understand.

Among her machinery, there was a small piece of green cloth. It was a green baby body with small white horizontal stripes. Ritsuko took it and handed it to Misato.

"What's this?" she asked looking at it curiously. "Is not like you to make a present"

"Someone has given it to me, but I don't think I'll ever be a mama."

"Oh, I get it now; you're getting rid of it"

"Sorta" she replied not taking her eyes away from the mess of plugs and wires she was connecting. "Do you have anywhere I can plug this to?"

"Yes, in the wall, behind you… you can disconnect the T.V." Kaji indicated.

"I'll do it" Shinji offered. He had always thought that doing something was the best way to relax when nervous. Occupational Therapy he thought it was called.

Finally, Ritsuko got all the pieces together and turned on the black and white screen. It didn't seem technological at all, especially since they were all used to the hi-tech devices they had at N.E.R.V.

"Uncover your belly, please" the 'blonde' asked her friend. She obliged and waited while her friend applied a cold transparent jelly on her.

"It's cold"

"Never mind it" she nodded. Her friend pushed a pod against her skin, sliding it helped by the jelly then an image appeared at the monitor. Surprisingly the shape that appeared there was well known to all of them, who startled a bit at the sight.

"Here you have it, guys" she announced meaning in the screen. It was Kaji who spoke first, being usually the first to get used to changes.

"It looks like Adan"

"More like an Angel to me" Shinji added.

"Let me see!" Misato complained from behind the monitor, not able to see a thing.

"I'll turn the machine for you" she said doing so, so Misato could see too.

"It looks like an Angel indeed… it's just too scary…" She couldn't help a chill down her spine.

"Guess why, old friend" Ritsuko dared. Nobody answered. "That's because it IS an angel!"

"WHAT!?" Misato and Shinji cried at once before she passed out in the sofa.

That's it until the next chapter, I'm sorry P I know I am a baaad baaad person. I just can't help it.


	6. Second Part: Chapter 3:The 18th Angel2

Second part

**Old L****ies, They Die, Harder**

Chapter 3

The 18th Angel (part two)

As he saw Misato fainting, he rushed to her side where he knelt to check on her, turning his head over to give Ritsuko a reproachful look.

"Don't you think you've gone too far this time? There are certain things you don't joke about, you know..."

"I didn't think she would react this way, I thought she knew humanity was the eighteenth Angel, really" she sworn.

"Well guess what, genius? She didn't!"

"Don't blame me for her lack of information. You've always told her everything you knew, why not telling her this?" she sounded a bit jealous.

"Because I didn't have the time! Do you think that everyday when she arrives from work I tell her 'Hey Honey, how was your day? Guess what? Humanity is the eighteenth Angel!'?"

"Could it be you're in love?" she took off her glasses.

"Huh?"

"You've never gotten mad at me before. No matter what happened." She said with a little smile.

"I thought you knew that. Don't you know everything?" he teased.

"I'm afraid I don't" she stood feeling old and tired all of a sudden. Among all her friends who weren't that many, she was the only one alone now. "I'm sorry Kaji, I didn't mean it."

"I know." He looked at Misato and removed a hair from her face, then stood. "She'll be okay"

"She will, but what about you? Let me see your wound"

"Oh, it's nothing, really. It's almost beginning to disappear"

"You liar, now I get why you too get along so well" he side-smiled at the comment. "Let me take a look at that" she insisted.

"You just want to see me take off my shirt, don't you Ri-chan?" she smiled back, tiredly.

"Let me see" she ordered more nicely. He stopped playing around and undid some of his buttons so she would be able to take a closer look to his bandages.

"Take off those too, please"

"I tell you it's nothing" he complained as he removed the bandages revealing a hole that was beginning to cicatrize in the edges. Men are proved to be allergic to doctors, even if they're their friends.

"You're doing well. You were lucky that it surfaced. Did you take it out yourself?"

"Yes madam." That surprised her, but she said nothing. Instead it was reflected in her face. He was finishing buttoning his shirt back when Misato came back to consciousness in the sofa.

"Hum… I need to go to the bathroom" she complained still groggy.

"It seems Sleeping Beauty woke up." Ritsuko teased.

"That's not very romantic, you know" he told her with a smile. She sat.

"It's not my fault I've got something pressing my bladder all the time" she complaint before locking herself in the bathroom completely not in the mood for any of them, maybe excepting Shinji who was standing in a corner, thinking adults were way too complicated.

"I'll go check on her" Kaji said as she didn't come out. Ritsuko nodded.

"I'll gather my stuff"

He knocked on the door but no reply came. There was no sound inside. Was she ok? Had she fainted again? He asked himself.

"Katsuragi are you okay?" she opened the door to let him in. She looked blue.

"You know… I like it when you call me that way" Misato said not enthusiastically.

"Look at your face. Cheer up, Honey, humanity is the eighteenth Angel" he said calmly to her. She looked up at Kaji.

"Really?" he nodded. "Aren't you just lying to me? Don't you dare lie to me about this, Ryouji" she stated. He just smiled and rocked his head.

"Of course not! You know what Ritsuko's idea of a joke is…" she sighed.

"She scared the hell out of me"

"We noticed that… come on, let's get out of here"

As she stepped out of the bathroom, the first thing she did was going straight to her friend, to slap her in the face.

"How dare you joke with something like that?" she looked at Misato serious and a bit resented for the hit. Fortunately, Shinji was already in his room when the little scene took place.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you knew."

"How could I know? Commander Ikari sharing top-secret information with you and Kaji spying on him doesn't mean I have to know everything too. In fact, everybody takes extra care in leaving me uninformed and you two are too damn secretive about everything."

"They think it's better that way"

"And what do you think, Ritsuko?" Ritsuko thought for a minute in the question.

"I think it would have been mean to be the one to let you know that everything you've lived for since you joined N.E.R.V. is a huge lie. Is not a light burden to live with, you have no idea..." but she didn't finisht he sentence, instead she said "I thought it was the best for you"

"Ritsuko…" she said regretting having hit her. "I… Sorry. I've been an idiot"

"It's just like you to become emotional and let yourself get carried away by anger"

After Ritsuko left, the two lovers sat in the coach thinking about how they would manage to get out of the city taking maximum precautions.

"No way!"

"Is your image more important than your life?"

"No, but I'd like to keep both of them"

"Ryouji I don't think it's safe, it's just hair for god's sake!"

"I would like to see your reaction if it were your hair we were talking about"

"You're so stubborn!"

"I'm just like you, honey" he replied with a charming smile.

"You're being selfish. You care more about your hair than not only yours, but MY life also. Do you forget I'll get killed too if they find you alive? I'd be accused of being helping you, that's high treason." He reacted at that by finally giving up, then sighing.

"I still think you're overreacting. They won't be expecting us at Hakone they haven't even notice the place, but if you want me to cut my hair I will… for you."

"Thanks… and you should shave too"

"Fine, fine. I'll turn myself into a civilized man. Anything else?"

"One more thing."

"What?" he asked thinking 'And now what?'

"I'm glad you're coming" The comment took him by surprise, but he smiled.

"I'm starting to believe it's the time around one am and not the beer what makes you talk sincerely" she just looked at him for a while and then stood as the moment became propitious for a kiss. He looked at her a bit disappointed as she entered her room to fetch the scissors.

"Have you thought of any names yet?" he asked her as she returned, standing behind him and placing a towel around the back of his neck.

"I haven't planned this. I'm still having trouble at dealing with my parents' issues as to become one myself; it's not precisely something I've always been looking forward to." She ran a hand through her face.

"I'll take that as a 'no'" she started working on his hair and didn't talk for a while.

"Murasame… maybe Kasumi" she said after thinking for some minutes, feeling uncomfortable.

"Huh?" he asked confused as he had been lost in his own thoughts.

"Nothing, forget it"

"Those are nice names"

"So, you were listening after all"

"I wouldn't miss you being embarrassed by my questions for all the gold in the world"

"Very funny…"

"I've thought of my brother's name, but that wouldn't make me feel better anyway. Perhaps Shiguro or Asagao"

"Whatever you like" she said being pleasing. '_As long as we can change the subject'_ Misato thought. "Well, that should do. Should I hand you a mirror?" she changed the subject.

"No, thanks, I'll go and check it at the bathroom, so I can shave too"

"What are you using for it?"

"Good question. Do you have any…?"

"Only mine" she said enjoying the revenge. He put his best resignation face, not to give her the pleasure.

"That will have to do; just don't ask for it to be perfect"

"I don't care. I'll be at the room, packing."

"Fine. Oh… I've seen you still have my skateboard"

"I thought it was your brother's"

"Well he found it and we used to share it, but it's mine now. Do you mind taking it? I've kind of missed it"

"You're sentimental today." She observed. "Don't you think you're a bit too old for it?"

"Never" he said with a smile so Kaji-like.

In chapter... I think it's 13, Misato is changing at her room and there's a skateboard between her desk and her wardrobe. In the manga volume seven stage forty three you can see Kaji's younger brother holding a skateboard (the one at the left who looks just like him but younger while he's at the right of the picture), with him and all the gang. My boyfriend suggested it was Kaji's and I liked the idea. Why Misato has it? It will remain a mystery, even for me.

Note: Fuyutsuki, Ayanami, Katsuragi, Aoba, Maya, Kirishima (Mana Kirishima from the videogame), Akagi and other Evangelion names are taken from Japanese ships. That's why I chose Murasame, Kasumi, Shiguro and Asagao, because they're all Japanese ship names too. It's been a hard work doing the research and looking for decent names among the huge list of ships.

Note2: When Shinji tells Misato that if she doesn't do anything, things won't change in the first episode of this fic, he's actually quoting Misato from Ep. 15, when he's scared of meeting his father and that's why she reacted to the phrase, seeing he remembered something of all the things she has told him.

Poll: Review and vote for the child's name. Kasumi or Asagao for a girl, Shiguro or Murasame for a boy.

PS: My dear, you were right, Fuyutsuki says in Ep. 15 that Adam keeps on growing. Sorry for the argument this afternoon. I'll have to rethink the plot since that changes a lot... but it gave me new ideas...

Hey! Thanks for reading and Reviewing, peolple! I've been busy lately, but I hope I can resume writing from now on. See you in the next chapter! And thanks to Misato18 for inspiring me to write this.


	7. Second Part: Chapter 4: The Trip

Second part

**Old L****ies, They Die, Harder**

Chapter 4

The Travel

"Are you sure you've got everything?" Kaji asked Misato as she tried uselessly to close her suitcase while he watched with interest, enjoying the situation.

"For the third time, Kaji, I'm sure" she replied beginning to lose her temper. He smiled, his arms crossed at his chest.

"Do you need help, honey?" he seemed calmed. As usual nothing made him nervous.

"No, thanks" this time her tone was definitely not friendly. She pushed harder, almost sitting on the suitcase, trying to get its sides close enough as to zip it, but it didn't work either. She was the kind of woman who took care of her own problems.

"Fine, fine" he said raising his hands, her palms owards her. "No need to get angry" he decided it was safer for him to wait for her somewhere else, so he lifted his wheight from the desk against which he had been relying, and got out of the room in silence. She looked him leave and tried to close the suitcase once more. It seemed to be useless.

Next morning, Misato arrived at the kitchen wearing her old shorts of dark jean and a black top she used to love years ago and she decided to wear them while she still could. There, Shinji was preparing breakfast while Kaji was taking a shower. Everything seemed to be perfectly normal, except for something strange floating in the air that was typical of goodbyes.

"I'll be fine, Misato" Shinji repeated for the third time already. She sighed.

"I know..." Misato ran a hand through her face. "I'm just being foolish" Shinji didn't know what to say and looked at her unconfortably

"Oh, Shin-chan, do you still have the cellphone I gave you?" she asked him suddenly pretending to be in a good mood for the zake of both of them. The question surprized Shinji, but he just nodded as usual.

"Good. Then I'd like you to keep it with you... you know, just in case" he nodded again. "Thanks" she said smiling. This time it was a sincere smile. In that moment Kaji walked in barechested, putting on some clothes as he stood next to Misato, slowly, as he began buttoning his shirt.

"Good morning" he greeted with a huge smile, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Could you please stop grosing us out with your disgusting body so early?" she asked to let him know she was not in the mood to deal with him, shaking his hand off her. Apparently her state was making her usual mood swings become even worse. Kaji sighed and Shinji turned around to finish cooking breakfast.

"I see you're as charming as ever" Kaji said as he sat next to her at the kitchen table. She just ignored him, so he went on talking, trying to get her attention and making an attemp to change her bad mood to her 'serious mode' which they would need if they wanted to arrive safely at Hakone. "So, how do you plan to take me out of the city unnoticed?" he asked now slightly seriously, but still smiling a bit. That seemed to bring her back to reality. She looked at him expresionless for a second before answering the question.

"That's really simple" Misato said apparently not really paying much attention to the conversation. "You'll be travelling in the trunk untill we get out of the city. Then you can get out of there and get in the car" she simply said. It was obvious that she was still mad at him because of whatever had happened between the two of them the night before and was just pretending not to care about what she was saying. Shinji preferred not to know about it and tried to focus on the breakfast which was about to be ready.

"I'm barely getting better from a bullet injury and you want to put me in the trunk? That's kind of you, Misato" he teased. His wound was much better as he had told Ritsuko the night before, but since when Kaji could help being himself?

"I asume you prefer to explain N.E.R.V.'s custody the reason you're alive and travelling with me" she said ironically. He seemed surprised.

"What? They're sending you a custody? Why didn't you tell me before?" now he was serious, not a single trace of the playful mood that filled him earlier. Misato sighed and Shinji served the content of the frying pan on the three plates, then sat.

"They just called to let me know. I guess Commander Ikari doesn't want me to 'forget' about my therapy" she said partially explaining her bad mood.

"I see" Kaji said a little worried. "Then we better be extra careful... I'll dress as a janitor and go down to the garage as soon as I finish breakfast." He decreed. To reinforce that, he began eating quickly.

"I can help you into the trunk" Shinji offered himself intruding in the conversation as the fear either of them could be discovered and killed overcame his natural instinct of not getting involved.

"I'd appreciate that" Misato said more kindly to him, but tense again as her smile had faded with Kaji's apparition earlier. She'd never admit she was worried about them finding out he was alive, instead it was more like her to act angry. Her plate was untouched. She knew her stomach wouldn't tollerate food in that moment, but at the same time she didn't want to offend Shinji who had been kind enough as to make her favourite dish... that was after beer, of course. The Third Children noticed Misato wasn't eating, but said nothing. He understood her situation well enough as to be comprehensive and in top of that he was not the kind of boy who got easily angry.

A couple of hours later, after having awaited locked in the darkness of Misato's car's trunk, Kaji finally felt the noise of the driver's door closing and the purring of the engine. The car began to move but it shortly stopped again. He deduced they had arrived at the street where the custody awaited for them. The different male voices that came muffled from the outside confirmed his guessing, but he couldn't quite understand what they were talking about. The voices sounded authoritary, that was so typical of N.E.R.V.'s security department, he thought.

The car was moving again and the custody was too, judging by the nearby noise he could hear from his location. They usually sent two cars, but he could hear only one, too far away from the frontal part of the car as to hear the other.

A couple of hours passed and Ryouji began to wonder if Misato was still mad at him as to leave him locked there or rather the custody had decided to go with her the entire way to the city. Either way the result was the same, too much free time to think and too few air as to kep his mind clear.

Even though Yokohama-2 was not that far from Tokyo-3, the trip seemed to be taking ages to Kaji who was beginning to feel sofocated, since the original plan involved less time in the reduced space of the trunk where he began to feel sleepy because of the lack of oxygen in his brain. At the driver's seat, Misato feared he wouldn't resist the whole trip as soon as one of the men in black suits told her they would escourt her to Yokohama-2, and then began plotting a way to get rid of them.

At the beginning, no idea came to her mind no matter how much she tried, but then she remembered she was Captain Katsuragi, the one who planned most of the strategies that had 'saved' mankind from the Angels... she WAS perfectly able to think a way of gettig rid of a couple of cars without raising suspicious... wasn't she?

If you liked it and want me to keep on writing, please review. I only update after reviews, I need to be lashed with a whip to write for I only work propperly under pressure XD Ironic, isn't it?

Author's Note: Thanks to Ann070490 for reviewing. I'm glad you liked my work, girl! Hey Usa Akagi, when will you finish translating that fanfic? Half of our old school mates are waiting for it!!


	8. Second Part: Chapter 5: Back in Time

Second part

**Old L****ies, They Die, Harder**

Chapter 5

**Back in time**

The path before her and the silhouette of the black car in front of her melted into one as her mind drifted off from reality and from the road, while trying to find a way to give Kaji some air.

As if responding to a silent prayer, the answer she had been looking for presented itself as a natural need, hurrying her to a toilette that was at least another hour and a half away from where they were. Her Kleenex were at the trunk. Misato deliberately forgot about the ones in the frontal compartment where everybody kept them. She always stored an extra box in the trunk. The purple haired woman, mentally thanked the second she decided to cover Kaji with a black fabric so that he would look like the usual useless stuff one keeps on the back of the car.

With that on mind, she smiled to herself in the mirror and flashed her lights a couple of times, giving her escorts notice of the fact she was about to pull over for a while. As Japan population fiercely decimated by the second impact, the roads were practically deserted, so she could use that to her advantage.

"Bathroom" was the only thing she said to the puzzled faces looking at her as they came out of the windows. She tried to use her most casual and hurried tone, which was not actually lying at all. In a rush, she went to the back of the car and opened the trunk, looking for the Kleenex around a deadly perplexed Kaji under the fabric, before losing herself among the tall grass.

The faces of the men in black might have been upset about having to wait for such a feminine inconvenience, but she didn't even notice their presence when she got back into the car and turned on the engine. She felt much better. Relieved not only physically, but also mentally. The moment the trunk spent open while she was looking for the tissue, should have been enough to replenish the small cavity with fresh air, she tough getting back on the road.

A couple of hours later, Misato finished checking in the hotel she was assigned to, with a feeling that she could not explain. It felt like standing in the middle of the dessert, hopelessly waiting for sweet death or a miracle, whatever would come first. Knowing that the time for the Instrumentality Project's zenith to come was getting nearer every second and she couldn't do a thing about it was something that had been perturbing her for quite a while. Ever since she discovered what was inside Kaji's capsule, she felt her fate was being decided by someone else and the anger became frustration as she didn't find a way to put a stop to it. On top of things, she was being sent away where she could no longer be a threat to The Plan, precisely now that her life had a meaning. Things couldn't get worse...

"Yes they can... and they will, unless I..." she was telling herself when she noticed people in the lobby were already staring at her.

"Are you all right, madam?" a man her age asked her, causing her cheeks to go slightly pink.  
She fumbled an excuse and left for the parking levels, underground, to finally get out of that nightmare hotel. She had made sure the escort guys were gone before she went to the reception and they didn't seem interested in seeing her check in, so everything seemed to be going smooth so far.

As she walked through the hall, she began to notice the decoration as if she had just gotten in. She wasn't worried about being 'followed' anymore, so her mind began to drift to more futile places.

The room was a very nice place with a red carpet covering the floor, comfortable looking ivory leather sofas and even a small fountain surrounded by several different species of exotic plants. When she looked up, a beautiful landscape painted in the ceiling became evident. It appeared to be a really expensive hotel and it only made her feel more uneasy.

Even the lower levels of the parking looked at least three or four times better than the twin suites she and Ritsuko had to occupy whenever they were sent to represent N.E.R.V. someplace else. Something was just wrong about all that. Why would they send a person they've just dismissed to what looked like at least a four stars hotel.  
Misato didn't have an answer to that question yet, but she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and didn't even bother to check her room. With steady steps, she went straight to her car and checked there was no one around before opening the trunk.  
"Hi sweetheart, did you miss me?" a relaxed voice asked as Kaji jumped out of the trunk with his typical smile and began to pat his clothes, trying to remove or at least reduce the number of wrinkles. She didn't reply. "I thought you would leave me there forever" he insisted, trying to get her to talk. Ryouji walked a bit around, stirring his numbed limbs and enjoying the feeling of relatively fresh air in his lungs again.  
"I felt tempted to do so" was her answer. She was clearly not in the mood, but it didn't surprise him, it seemed to him only as the sequel to her previous reactions that morning.  
"Whoa... nice place" he admired as he realized the fancy painting in the walls around them and the presence of perfect looking plants in a place where sunlight never shone. She glared at him, but said nothing. "Commander Ikari's budget really got boosted this year, huh?" he joked, trying to get her attention one more time.

"Can't you be serious for a minute?" she said opening the door and getting into the car. Kaji looked at her pretending to be surprised and hurt, playing the victim for a while. "Just get in the car. We're getting out of here" she decreed grouchily, as she turned on the engine. She felt everything went wrong since that morning when the two cars parked outside her building. Misato sighed deeply and some seconds later they were out of the hotel, into the road again.

She drove in silence for a while, trying to put some order to her thoughts, with both hands tense on the wheel. Her face began to look tired and even a bit down when she arrived to the conclusion everything would be more difficult than they had originally thought. And that, speaking only of their stay in there, since they didn't know for sure if they were being watched or not, let alone having Shinji meeting them there or getting Asuka out of the hospital. The feeling was overwhelming.

In her mind, she cursed herself for being such a crybaby lately. It was something she was not used to, being a captain as she was. She had learned to suppress her feelings, bottling them deep inside her, where they could hurt no one, especially herself. And now she was a neurotic mess all because of that freakin' hormones. A deep breathe helped her to calm down and she counted up to thirty before feeling more relaxed, in control of herself again. It was a good time to begin pretending nothing was going on, something she had mastered almost as well as the man sitting next to her.  
"Say... do you think that place near the abandoned factory we saw in the map yesterday would be a nice fishing spot?" she asked him all of a sudden, surprising him for real this time. He looked at her for a second, slightly puzzled and then smiled brightly. She barely returned a faint smile before looking at the deserted road again.

"It better be... I wouldn't want to go straight into town before making sure we haven't been followed" he replied seriously speaking but with that calm smile he had whenever she was around. Misato didn't say anything but looked at him discreetly, moving her eyes only for a second, but her head facing front. They both knew he had just proved to her that he did take things seriously, only he didn't look serious... or act concerned for that matter.

"So, you've heard about those men, didn't you?" she said just to avoid being in silence with him for too long.

"Honey..." he began with one of his charming sly smiles. "I could even hear you pee from where I was" he lied to tease her one more time. It was probably his favourite hobby by far.

"That's disgusting!" she complaint frowning.

The place was delightful. It seemed to be a part of a painting with the tall green grasses rocking in the soft breeze, the crickets singing along with the soothing sound of the nearby river and the shadows of three old trees marking a perfect spot for a nap while waiting for the fish to bite.

After getting off the car and hiding it with some branches near a group of bushes that protected the place, they both stood in silence next to each other just admiring the landscape and for a moment there, she felt there was a connection. A bond as silent, secret and deep as the one they once shared many years ago when they went to fish on the weekends while at college.

In that moment, taking advantage of the propitious environment, Kaji slowly moved his hand and placed it on Misato's shoulder gently first, and then more firmly, attracting her to him. As he expected, she didn't complain, just let him do, allowing herself to be carried away by the situation for once. It felt nice to be able to turn the brain off for a while and just simply be. It was in those moments of isolated quietness and peace that she could be herself without faking it, without worrying about what anybody else would thing and without the aid of alcohol to numb her mind.

That afternoon, Kaji lay down to fish and Misato sat next to him as they used to when they were both young. None spoke a word for a while, but it wasn't one of those uncomfortable silences. On the contrary, the peaceful atmosphere made Misato feel for a while really relaxed and she finally realized how long it had been since she last went on vacation.

"Hum... I like this..." she said laying on the grass too, covering her eyes with the back of her hand and spying on the tree leaves between her own fingers.  
"Huh?" Kaji turned his head and looked at her instead of the river. "This place, the quietness or me?" asked trying to understand her comment, but she just smiled placidly and slowly closed her eyes.

When she woke up, at least four medium sized fishes were sitting on the grass next to the spot he had occupied a while ago and his fishing rod was stuck in the ground as if someone was holding it, but Ryouji was not there. She didn't remember falling asleep, but she must have. Judging by the daylight, it couldn't have been more than an hour since she closed her eyes.

The relaxing atmosphere still possessed her. She was not worried about him missing, but still sat and turned around looking for him, as a reflex.

There he was, knelt in a nearby grass less spot, rearranging the stones around the small fire he had just lit a couple of minutes ago. She smiled at the sight of it as she remembered the good old times. In that moment, he rose his eyes from what he was doing to look at her, getting to see her expression before it began to fade.  
"I fell asleep" she informed him as if he wouldn't have noticed that already.  
"Yeah, I've noticed" was his reply. He seemed to be as relaxed and carefree as usual, but her sharing his mood, that was definitely something one didn't get to see everyday. The probable reason for that is the huge level of stress her rank constantly put her through at N.E.R.V.

She stood and walked to him, carrying the fish with her. They were tied together by a piece of cord.

"Do you want me to clean the fish?" Misato offered. It was they only thing she could safely do without ruining the meal and she knew it, but she wanted to help somehow. "Don't worry, I'll do it" he smiled at her. It was nice to see her eager to help instead of yelling at him. "We don't want to offend your newly acquired hound nose with fish guts" he teased. Her face showed a little disappointment on it, but she understood.  
"Then I'll finish here" said meaning the fire. He nodded.

Taking care of arranging the sticks where they'd cook the fishes gave her time to do some thinking. She had completely forgotten about the Instrumentality Project and N.E.R.V. for a while with all that beauty and calm around her. It was really tempting to stop worrying and just enjoy the moment even if it meant they'd all be doomed later.  
The expression in her face changed as she turned into her responsible mature self again. There were important things she should be worrying about instead of playing summer camp with her college boyfriend.

Misato went over all the facts she knew for sure one more time in her head, as if thinking about it the solution would come to her magically. At least it helped to ease the feeling of guilt for having enjoyed the afternoon so much doing nothing productive. It was difficult to believe how easily one gets used to good stuff.

'So... they have Adam and Lilith... which is only a hoax to attract angels to the wrong place while Adam's kept safe until the right moment comes... They also have the Eva, that were created from Adam and whom they have to restrain with those armors to prevent them from doing their will... which is...? what? What do they want? Why did the Eva Unit 01 ate that angel's...?' The sole concept made her feel nauseous, but she overcame the feeling. 'The S2 core... what's with it? Why do they keep on producing Evangelion units if there are no more angels... but back then Kaji said... humanity was the last angel. Do they need a human...? Then why didn't they do it already? Why not end it all as soon as possible? Is really the contact between an angel and Adam what will cause the third impact?' She felt a headache slowly beginning to win over her. Nothing made sense to her. At least not enough as to arrive to any conclusions.  
"What are you thinking about?" his voice brought her back to reality.

"Nothing" she quickly lied not daring to look at him and vaguely looking at the grass to her right instead. She was too proud to admit she didn't have a plan yet, or that she didn't quite get a clear picture of what was going on. He didn't seemed convinced by her statement.

"It's a matter of time" That got her attention and she looked at him as he knelt by her. "They need to make sure it is mature" he needed to say no more. She got it at once and nodded a single time, then sat hugging her knees for a while.

He respected her silence and didn't talk to her for a while, but looked at Misato instead, appreciating the way she looked with the red flames reflecting colours on her skin. He could look at her forever.

"I have a plan" she said suddenly sometime later. The fishes were almost ready and he looked at her for a second, but she said no more. He didn't push her, for he knew she'd tell him eventually, whenever she felt ready to do so. There was no point in pushing her and pissing her off. He liked her better that way, when she looked at him tenderly and didn't reject his approachs.

"Then let's eat!" he said dropping the serious face and smiling handsomely. She nodded.

Author's note: I really appreciate that you all took time to let me know that you like what I'm doing with this fic. CO Raven's comment really made me think about the whole matter. I felt bad for a while and then I knew why it was that I had written about the reviews. The thing is I do so many things (sing in a band, work as a Japanese teacher, study (college), have a forum of my own I have to moderate everyday, swim, have a boyfriend, two cats and a house to take care of) that I don't really have much time for writing and in my mind, I know how this story I wrote for fun when I had more time develops and ends, so I keep on writing because there is people who wants to know what will happen next, but I need to know whether there is such people or not so the day no one is interested on this anymore I won't be tightening my schedule to write something I don't need to hurry about. But I also know how frustrating it is to be waiting for someone to update and never knowing how the story ends, so that's why I'll keep on writing even if there's only one person there reading.


	9. Second Part: Chapter 5: The Plan

Second part

**Old L****ies, They Die, Harder**

Chapter 6

**The Plan**

"It's not as simple as that" Kaji said as dettached and unworried as usual, before he took another bite from the fish he was eating.

"Then why don't you plan the strategy this time?" she replied angrily. "It shouldn't be so difficult for someone who finds so many flaws to my ideas" Someone in her position was clearly not used to have her orders discused and even Commander Ikari usualy let her be in charge of the situations and make her own desitions.

"I was just trying to help" he defended himseld inocently.

Misato sighed tiredly and ran a hand through her face, as to erase tortuous thoughts from her mind. It was no the time for being stubborn. This time it was more than just her pride what was at stake, but also the future of manking. For that reason she tried to calm down and counted up to twenty before trying to speak again.

"I know you're doing your best, and the main deductive line is okay. Just tell me something" he asked trying to be nice to her in order to avoid further confrontations since it was just the two of them and with her angry he was alone and doomed to get bored. "What do you think will cause the Third Impact?" he asked her to make her think.

"What do I think...?" she repeated while trying to figure it out.

"...will cause the Thirs Impact" he corrected nodding slowly. She remaint silent for a while, as if she knew there was more to that question than what she thought was the obvious answer.

"Do you mean it's not the contact between Adam and an Angel?" she asked beginning to fear she had been more disinformed than she had originally thought.

"Well, yes. But more specifically...?" Kaji tried to guide her to do the thinking herself so she wouldn't feel so diminished. She thought at it for a while and then she shook her head to the sides.

"I don't know..." she sounded as if the situation began to overwhelm her. "I'm not sure about anything anymore... you tell me"

"Your plan is okay, but gaining access to him would be too difficult and dangerous" he explained seriously as he was rarely seen. "There is an easier way" he assured her. Misato looked at him inquisitively, tense as she awaited for the answer to that. "Rei" he simply said.

"Rei?" she repeated visibly confused.

"Yes, Ayanami Rei, the first children" he corroborated. She looked at him puzzled.

"But what does she have to do with all this anyway?" curiosity was now burning her. She needed to know.

"You said that the Instrumentality Project would begin with the contact between Adam and an Angel. That is correct, but there are many ways to accomplish this, so it has become a matter of which one is more effective." He said still looking deadly serious but also glancing kindly at her, as if he thought her lack of information was cute.

"They have Adam and they also have the second Angel..." he said when she interrupted him.

"Lilith!" she exclaimed jumping in her seat a bit. He nodded.

"But since Ikari has merged his hand with Adam, he became Adam himself and, unless you can think of a safe way of chopping his hand off or effectively kidnap him in spite of the heavy cutody he has at this time..." by this moment Misato was deadly serious too as she understood the situation.

"I understand" she admited her defeat. Her logic was not rusty after all, it was the lack of information what had made her previous plan useless, but that was not her fault. She couldn't be blamed for that, excepting maybe for not being curious enough. At any case, he was curious enough for both of them. "But I still don't get..."

"Ikari can't act as Adam himself, because he's not the proper environment for Adam to achieve the maturity level required for the Third Impact to begin. That's where Rei comes in. She is not human. She was created by humans to meet their needs and as if preventing any accident that might happen, they mass produced them then kept them living as empty shells in LCL liquid then if something happens to one of them..." but he couldn't finish his explanation.

"They no longer exist" she interrupted. "Rit-chan destroyed them when she showed Shinji and me the lab" Misato explained and for the first time in a while, Kaji smiled.

"That's great news" he decreed. "So, now we only must take care of a single Rei, the one with a personality implanted" the combination of the concepts Rei and personality made Misato chuckle. She looked like an autist most of the time, but she had to admit that compared to the ones they saw back there at the lab she did look more human.

"Don't you think they must have put her under custody too? Now that she has become one of a kind..." her logic was still working more than properly, as he could see. But he still didn't seem so worried about it.

"Maybe" he said with a mysterious smile. "But it still looks easier to me than accessing Commander Ikari. Whatever order she might have received of keeping away from you, you can always invent some story... she'll surely buy it. She's been programed to follow orders, haven't you notticed?" he asked her confident about the whole thing.

"So... what do you suggest? Changing the target and kidnapping Rei instead?" she asked him as she remembered they were actually eating.

"Well... it's that or shooting her" he shrugged. Being a triple agent as he was, ethicals were never his strong point.

"Hum... I think we better kidnap her until we figure out how to safely destroy Adam... or Lilith." She saw the doubtful look in his eyes and hurried to add. "It's not as I'll doubt to kill her or whoever it takes to grant humanity will continue to exist, but if killing can be avoided, then why take risks?" she said in her own defense and sounded pretty convincing, so he believed her.

"Then it's settled" he said treating the matter as solved.

"Yes, but we still have one problem, Sherlock." She insisted. "We're still here in the middle of nowhere camping in the wild while back at N.E.R.V.'s HQ the preparations for the Third Impact are still going on. "How do we know they won't do it while we're still planning our strike?" she asked him suddenly worried.

"They won't" he simply said. She still looked at him inquisitively so Kaji continued to talk after a short while. "They've thought of an ensurance policy in case Rei/Adam fail, so until..."

"The Serial Production Evas!" she exclaimed as she began to understand the whole plot.

"Exactly... so, until they are finished, we still have some time. I guess I still have a contact or two back in Germany and USA that could handle us the information if we find a way to get in touch with them" he said still calmly.

"I could use Shinji-kun as an informant to get the data from inside N.E.R.V." she suggested, talking as she did during an angel attack, when having to plan a strategy.

"If the line is safe as to talk through it..." he objected.

"Oh, I'm not THAT big of an idiot" she replied. "I know how to play dumb" Misato insisted looking seriously at him, almost frowning slightly. "I can always say I call to see how things are going and whether Asuka's feeling better and such. I know how to get people to talk" He gave her a mieschievious grin.

"Oh, you surely do" he agreed with her. "But you don't ever shut up long enough for anyone to reply" he teased.

That night, while laying in the still darkness inside Kaji's tent, she suddenly asked him "Do you think we'll make it?" in a soft worried voice. Her head was resting on his chest and her hand slowly stroke it while thinking about the whole matter with her eyes closed, unable to sleep.

"Huh?"he incstinctivly looked at her face though he wouldn't be able to see his own hand if he were to move it in front of his eyes.

"Stopping the Instrumentality Project I mean" she especified.

"Ohh...!" then he understood what she was talking about. "I hope we do" he simply said. 'It's our only hope as a species' he thought. "Go to sleep already" he said as if he were his father rather than her boyfriend. "You still have to go see that doctor tomorow morning." He reminded her.

"Hum... you're right..." she said sleepily. "I don't wanna go" Misato complained as she drifted into sleep.

The morning was clear and the weather as stable as usual. Clear and warm like always after the Second Impact. The crickets were chirming and the breeze slightly shook the trees, but Misato was already dressed up and ready to go.

"I'll see you later" he greeted her as she got into the car, now taken out of its hideout. She smiled.

"I'll be back soon" she promised before speeding off.

Someplace near the therapist's office, two men in black had their snipers set on the man's door from the roofs of two different buildings nearby and were getting ready to work.

Author's Note: I was really lost about this chapter, so I was rather avoiding writing it. I was not quite sure about what precisely had caused the Third Impact and I couldn't precisely remember the movies, so I had to do a lot of research before writing this. Good thing is I like the final result and I'm more or less happy with this chapter.

I got the inspiration to write this one after seeing Evangelion last movie You're Not Alone (2006)... you know... the one that's a remake of the first episodes with new scenes, different camera angles and some slightly different plot points. A really excellent work they've done witht that one and I'm looking forward to seeing the second.


End file.
